I'd actually appreciate anyone's opinion or advice on this...
I grew up on computers and the internet (absent, technophile parents made that very easy) and by the age of 13 or 14 my computer really just felt like an extension of myself. When I was in undergrad, I realized that the only way I'd ever actually properly study is if I had someone on my dorm floor take my computer from me and refuse to give it back for some designated period of time.
After undergrad, I "relapsed" a bit in the sense that I would be on my laptop for 14+ hours a day every day, constantly context switching and never really getting any good work done. I'd still accomplish my work but would never really get to the things I wanted to get done, like practicing piano or reading a book.
I started a new job in October and was able to start 'fixing' myself a bit by leaving all my electronics at the office after work, and by December I could actually feel a tangible difference in how I was thinking and making decisions. Unfortunately, after COVID hit, the office closed, and now I've had the least amount of separation between my physical life and digital life, between work and leisure (as I'm sure is the same for all of you).
Do any of you have any systems that work for you in terms of a path towards self-control? I have very little self-control and a very addictive personality and I really don't like the way I spend my time at the moment. At this point I'm even considering finding Adderall or something similar as I don't feel capable of accomplishing this on my own.
We use digital devices for distraction from our anxieties when what we need is calm. I recommend something compelling, work-related, and thoroughly analog: get a really nice engineering notebook and give yourself permission to write all over it. Close the lid of the laptop when you do this, and put the phone aside. Write one paragraph that describes the problem you're working on, or draw a diagram. Allot ten minutes to this. You can afford to go dark for ten minutes. No one will notice. Pay close attention to the physical act of creation. This focus on a single thing is a gift you give yourself; turn to it selfishly. It feels like you're slacking off, to ignore the screens and do just one thing, to doodle in a notebook instead of being available on chat. Indulge yourself in this and banish the feelings of guilt that come from tuning out all of the people who need your attention. All of them can wait ten minutes.
I find this practice is easier to engage in than meditation, but it brings some of the same benefits. It quiets the squirrel-in-a-wheel spinning of your thoughts and takes the edge off the need to engage with whatever is distracting you. It's important to do this during work hours, especially at first, because taking time out from what you see as your free time is a lot harder.
> We use digital devices for distraction from our anxieties when what we need is calm.
I think everyone has the cause and effect backwards. I believe that we're not distracted because we have these magical distraction devices. Rather, we invented the distraction devices because modern life is so devoid of meaning and purpose that distraction is a survival adaptation. The higher quality the distractions, the higher quality of the modern life.
> It quiets the squirrel-in-a-wheel spinning of your thoughts and takes the edge off the need to engage with whatever is distracting you.
I know it's an unpopular opinion, but what's wrong with functioning as a squirrel-in-a-wheel with constant distraction? I don't want myself to be calm, and neither do my family, friends, or employers. Everyone wants me to have the appearance of calm, but they actually need the squirrel on the wheel to get the output that everyone expects from me.
Being truly "calm" unleashes a deep existential anxiety about how life is precious and I'm wasting all of it with work and other meaningless obligations. I keep that crisis under control by smothering it with more distractions. I think this is a perfectly valid and sensible response to the modern world.
My plan is to be at peak-distraction until I've made it through the corporate grinder. I hope I'm able to reassemble myself once I can retire.
> Rather, we invented the distraction devices because modern life is so devoid of meaning and purpose that distraction is a survival adaptation.
I'd argue it is the other way around. What we call "distraction" is simply super-salient stimulus that we don't benefit in the long run but can't help being drawn to. It is like addiction. And addiction sells very well. Addictions can be designed to serve the market.
We don't ever get distracted with long pleasant walks, watching the sunset, home-cooked whole-food meals, deep reciprocal conversations, rich thoughtful books, sensual bonding love-making. But all have their marketable, superficial versions we can get addicted to like fast food, porn, hookups, twitter, youtube etc. I think the sense of meaninglessness and purposelessness is created because we get stuck in consuming these surface forms without getting anything that can genuinely nourish and grow us as people.
Thanks for a response that cuts right to the premises of my comment! Your approach is incredibly bleak, but if you reject the premise that being able to focus is desirable, then your conclusion is spot-on. I hope my response gives you the hit of distraction you need to get you through the next five minutes!
> Being truly "calm" unleashes a deep existential anxiety about how life is precious and I'm wasting all of it with work and other meaningless obligations. I keep that crisis under control by smothering it with more distractions.
I noticed that mindless browsing is a form of procrastination. The small trickle of dopamine from mindless browsing prevents me from starting more rewarding activities.
I learned two things: don't use your computer without a purpose, and turn it off when your task is done.
Computers make you fine with being bored. I found that just shutting the computer off and doing nothing for a few minutes is enough to spur me into action. The first step is to catch yourself browsing mindlessly, and stepping away from the computer.
Sometimes, I'll get busy with other things and spend days away from the computer. I'm always surprised by how few messages and notifications I missed.
1) Even very minor changes, like leaving electronics in a different room, help.
2) The best website blocker for me isn't one that that blocks me from Facebook/reddit/etc for a week -- I just start to rebel against it and eventually uninstall. The one I use is called "Focus" and blocks me out for 20 minutes. Enough to get work done, but also not enough for me to start resenting it.
3) I figured out that I could actually read books again if I biked to the park without my cell phone and read in a hammock. To get internet again, I have to bike all the way home and I'm too lazy for that. It worked great until it reached 1000 degrees in Texas -- maybe you're in cooler climes.
I used to bike to the library after work, about 4 km each way. It started out as a form of exercise (the library happened to be along the bike path), but eventually I was going almost every night just so I could pick a magazine from the library's large selection and read for 30 minutes or an hour. I still had my phone, but because I set out to go to the library, and the form of transport was so focused and meditative, when I got there I was able to just read without being distracted, something which was very difficult at home.
I don't know if you have ADHD, but I do. (Maybe you have it and it's undiagnosed.)
I've found that rather than worrying about my own motivation or lack thereof, it's better to focus on sleep, exercise and diet. Get those things and "motivation" will come. If I'm not motivated, I try to improve those factors.
I guess I'm saying that because it sounds like exercise is important to you as well.
It is insane that we consider it a matter of personal responsibility to have an on-demand carnival in our homes but to have the restraint to barely use it. We light our houses daylight-bright with ceiling-mounted lights at night, and can press a button to have world-class entertainment of all sorts instantly, at any hour. That's an awful way to live.
It's nuts to think most people can live in an environment like that and not suffer negative effects. If people complained they were having trouble sleeping and difficulty focusing, what with the celebrities having a conversation the next room over, the opera in the room on the other side, the orgy in the room accessible just next to that, and their favorite band playing sets in their bedroom itself, all at once, every. single. day and night, nonstop, we'd tell them they needed to move somewhere those things weren't happening, because how could one possibly live healthily in such an environment 24/7? OK to visit, but a terrible place to live. And if anything the Internet is worse than that because there are people paid to get you to engage with it even more. It's like that scenario but also there's a promoter constantly telling you all the cool stuff going on, who will not shut up.
There's no living with our modern tech & Internet in one's house and not having serious problems. Not for the vast majority of people. The medium is the message and the message of the Internet is poor sleep and soul-sickness.
Others have given good replies about how to fill the void, and I encourage you to explore those. I’ll stick to commenting on blocking.
It sounds like you went completely cold turkey, and it worked fairly well. You truly had no electronic use outside of work?
If you can manage that, and you live alone, there is a simple solution: unplug your router and modem after work. Plug it back in before work. Then put your devices in a drawer.
This has actually worked for me, where other blocking systems have failed. The physicality and totally of the unplug do it. But it is usually difficult as most people need some access at home. If you truly don’t, this total block option opens for you. You’ll prob have to temporarily give up your data plan as well.
There are other options to block in software, or at a technical level on the router.
You can track your success with this plan on paper. Maybe one piece of paper always on your desk. Write a description of why you’re doing it, then make a “don’t break the chain” calendar and mark it off for each day. You can use this as a log too of how it’s going.
The advantage this system has is you have to consciously choose to plug in, unlike digital systems where you can sort of drift into disabling it. If needed, you can also keep a physical log book on the router to write your checkins, or have a friend try calling you to see if it’s working. (You can keep a voice plan on your phone. Without data or wifi the phone won’t be very addictive most likely)
I think the issue here is that it's so easy to make excuses to plug it back in, and it's so easy to walk over to the router to do so.
When I left my devices at work, whenever I had the urge to go on the internet at home, I would realize it would take me another hour commute to get there and back, and that wasn't worth it.
Right. That sounds fairly severe. Addiction level.
And yet, some people do manage to go cold turkey. And cold turkey is generally easier than a approach based on limitation.
Your one strength here is you know you don’t really need the access, as you already did it. If you want to google something or message someone you can write it down on paper, and handle it in the morning.
Perhaps this truly won’t work. In which case, would any software/hardware restriction work? They can all be circumvented, and fairly easily for someone technical. If you can find one will hard time based limits, that might work. Freedom, or Cold Turkey may be that, I’ve never looked into circumvention difficulties.
But then again, if you really want to try, could you treat yourself as an addict, say there are no real excuses, and force yourself to call someone if you desire to plug it in? Or even say you will plug it in for 10 min for a true emergency but unplug and tell them you did?
I don’t know. All of us have different psychologies. You’ll have to consider what has a chance of working for you. But I’ll end by saying that with a conscious choice it is possible to make a change, and it is often perversely easier to do this at a low point.
Edit: actually, the other commentor’s suggestion of a timer box seems extremely promising. You may want a dumb phone or a landline for emergencies if you do that though. But it has two elements: 1. Impossibility to circumvent 2. Physical separation
Edit 2: one thing that might work is Beeminder. You pay if you fail to meet the goal. And they have a weasel mode.
It sounds dumb and it's not how addiction works, but it might be worth just will powering yourself into it the first time then going with the calendar chain approach to try and not break your streak.
Even if you fail every once in a while, it'll be an improvement to what you're describing now.
It’s not a “quick fix” but meditation really does help build focus, attention, and awareness. If that sounds like it would be impossibly hard, you can definitely start small with something like 10 breaths where you really just pay attention to breathing in and out, and then gradually work up to longer stretches.
I find that meditation has a spillover effect into my life — I’m less likely to be tempted by junk food, let’s say, on the days where I meditate.
Here are some guided meditation recordings that I found very helpful for getting started (if you’re on mobile, scroll to the right for the play button): https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/mindful-meditations
Of these, I have listened to the Breathing Meditation (5 min) and the Body Scan for Sleep (13 min) the most and would recommend them. Maybe keep the 5 minute one open in a tab, and if you find yourself in a procrastinatory tab-switching vortex, break and listen to it.
Here are some longer and more “themed” guided meditations from the meditation guru Tara Brach. She also does weekly livestreams if you’re into that: https://www.tarabrach.com/new-to-meditation/
Aside from meditation, as a gold medalist procrastinator and long-time (~20yrs) Adderall user, I’d caution you against seeking that out to help you with the problem you describe. It can send context-switching behaviors into overdrive and cause a host of other problems. That said, there’s no shame in taking them if they’re right for you (definitely would encourage you to find a doctor that’s comfortable treating ADD etc, possibly a specialist).
For managing tasks, this the only method that’s effective for me: get some {red, yellow, green} post-it notes (color = priority) and a sharpie. Write down every task that is weighing down your mind (this is the basis of the GTD method). One task per post-it, and write down the estimated time in minutes to complete. If it’s a long task (refactor script.py), I convert it into X number of 30 time blocks that I want to spend on it, not necessarily expecting completion by the end of that time. Use the pomodoro method to knock out tasks, and draw a big ass check mark on the post-it when you finish one (feels great!). I also organize the tasks on a whiteboard with the following rows as categories: {health, life, work, finance, education, projects/other}.
This is my procrastination eradication method. There are many like it, but this is mine.
It works, but usually people have a wildly unrealistic expectation of “works”.
When you meditate regularly, you’re building this tiny sliver of ability around awareness. In practice, it may be that you build a fraction of a second of awareness before you fall into old habits. So it doesn’t feel like you’re making any tangible progress, because a half of a second of awareness doesn’t feel tangible.
But it’s a massive lever. It can help avoid getting back on the computer, or losing your cool, or any number of reactive, destructive habits. Avoiding even one of those, once in a while, can be a huge win that starts a snowball effect of positive change.
For a while I was doing 20 minutes a day. I found that hard to maintain, I switched to 12 minutes, and did it every day for 2019. I found the shorter time easier to keep up, and so perhaps more beneficial for me over the long run.
There are stretches where I’m inconsistent for days or weeks, and I try to gently bring back the routine. Or I’ll apply the same focus to something like exercise or stretching.
I use a simple timer app on iPhone called “Timeless”.
There’s a quote that goes something like, “one mindful breath is better than an hour of mindless meditation.”
1. Keep your phone on silent (or shut off) in a different room than your office (or wherever you're trying to work)
2. Install an app like Refine on your phone and block all social media and sites that you open up frequently (HN would possibly be an example)
3. Keep your phone in a different room before going to sleep.
4. If you like listening to audiobooks, consider getting an Amazon Echo. I like to listen to audiobooks before falling asleep and with the Echo you can set a sleep timer and then play an audiobook and it will stop playing after the sleep timer expires.
5. On your laptop (assuming you use Mac or Linux) add social media and other frequently visited non-productivity related sites to your /etc/hosts file.
Personally I try to avoid drugs for these kinds of things. In my view it's a matter of self improvement and self-discipline which are things that can be developed with effort.
I tried that but I'm such an addict I changed it back.
A better solution for me is a chrome extension that blocks it for 20 minutes at a time. Long enough to make decent progress and get started on work, but no so long that I resent it and give up.
Yes I agree, Drugs are point of last resort since from I have inquired in the field and apparently going one can lead to a stack of them later on in life as the loose effectiveness and way they work.
I would not be so quick to throw away "drugs" as they have the strongest efficacy compared to any method shared here.
Anecdotally, I used to follow a lot of these methods described here, but more specifically:
- Keeping a journal
- Reducing blue-light before bed
- Diet & excercise
- Meditations
I do agree that there is merit in each one of them, but absolutely nothing worked better than the "drugs" that was prescribed to me.
In fact, when first speaking to a specialist, it was like he already knew me. He knew my problems better than I did (goes to show that your problems aren't unique after all).
I do wish I had sought help sooner - my life changed dramatically in the time span of initial treatment to now.
It's been hard for me, but I've got physical spaces in my home (helps to have a house for this) that I use for different things. Upstairs loft (which will be a space for kids later) is my office right now. Living room is time with my wife, sitting room is my reading room. If I take a book to the sitting room, I can actually read it and get something done. I usually leave my phone in another room.
Another thing that used to work really well (recovering from a pulled muscle so I can't presently) is to leave the office and go for a run. With WFH, I started doing that again 3 days a week after work, another day was lawn work. It's not something you can choose to focus on or not, you're out there and have nothing else to do but move. It creates a clean separation between my workday and the rest of my day.
I'm similar so here are some thoughts - I found myself in a situation where I had limited internet access. I still had access to all the files related to me "to do" project list. I instantly felt more motivated to work on them. Knowing that my connection to the internet was gone and there was nothing I could do about it for the time being caused that constant nagging in the back of your mind "whats the next funny meme" or what ever to disappear. I didn't feel compelled to mindlessly browse because I couldn't. I would suggest finding a way to severe this connection (pun intended) and it will set your mind at ease. It solves the FOMO feeling when you KNOW you can't do something.
/ramble.
I have very similar issues. Two things worked for me:
- have a daily tracking system where you have clear simple goals (such as going to bed at a certain hour, the first thing you do in the morning should be productive...) and try to have "winning streaks". I use an google sheet for this and color red/green tiles based on success/failure.
- Find a buddy to work with. Since I started working with a cofounder next to me, my productivity shot up simply because I feel bad doing crap while he is working.
Sounds like you’re aware of the problem, and already know what you want to do about it. Now time for that daunting next step, doing something about it.
Start with something small, take a walk outside every day. It sounds stupid but it is guaranteed time away from a computer and the barrier of entry is non-existent.
At the end of the day, nothing will change until you change it. Nobody will come fix it for you, it’s on you.
Hope this helps, you got this fellow person struggling with indefinite WFH :)
> I started a new job in October and was able to start 'fixing' myself a bit by leaving all my electronics at the office after work, and by December I could actually feel a tangible difference in how I was thinking and making decisions.
Yup, one of the best things you can do is leave your work at work. I know that is easier said than done though especially now that our "offices" and homes are one and the same thing.
I’d recommend searching for an addiction therapist. Most will revolve around alcoholism, but there are many that specialize in more general forms of addiction.
I grew up on computers and the internet (absent, technophile parents made that very easy) and by the age of 13 or 14 my computer really just felt like an extension of myself. When I was in undergrad, I realized that the only way I'd ever actually properly study is if I had someone on my dorm floor take my computer from me and refuse to give it back for some designated period of time.
After undergrad, I "relapsed" a bit in the sense that I would be on my laptop for 14+ hours a day every day, constantly context switching and never really getting any good work done. I'd still accomplish my work but would never really get to the things I wanted to get done, like practicing piano or reading a book.
I started a new job in October and was able to start 'fixing' myself a bit by leaving all my electronics at the office after work, and by December I could actually feel a tangible difference in how I was thinking and making decisions. Unfortunately, after COVID hit, the office closed, and now I've had the least amount of separation between my physical life and digital life, between work and leisure (as I'm sure is the same for all of you).
Do any of you have any systems that work for you in terms of a path towards self-control? I have very little self-control and a very addictive personality and I really don't like the way I spend my time at the moment. At this point I'm even considering finding Adderall or something similar as I don't feel capable of accomplishing this on my own.