>I think a better definition for quality of life means experiencing a range of emotions. Is there anything more thrilling, frustrating, exciting and depressing than a startup.
Obviously not a parent!
I think he's correct to make the choice however. Having a baby considerably alters your focus in the same way that a startup would. If I could, I would have chosen startup first, then baby.
By no means though does having a baby make a startup impossible, but it makes it very difficult to focus on.
On the downside, a startup can only make you go broke, while a baby could turn into a serial killer and make you miserable for your entire life. On the upside, a startup can give you money and experience and set you up financially for life. A good kid is another human being that is part of your life's journey, which beats the physical and emotional peaks of being a huge startup success. Having a kid is a very average and pedestrian thing to do, while having a startup is more of a stand-out, brave thing to do.
I don't know -- looks like a close call. How about marry a girl with money who won't mind raising the kids by herself while you're out pulling all nighters on the startup? By the time the kid gets old enough to do stuff with you will have beat the growing pains out of your startup anyway.
In all seriousness, doing a startup is an act of ego and ambition. Having a kid is an act of love and selflessness. The motivations, time span, and payoff is so different, I don't think they're comparable.
At your startup you may have to clean up some sh!t, but with a baby you will be literally cleaning up sh!t.
However, finding a girl with money with money who won't mind raising the kids by herself while you are out? Just a moment here...where exactly do you plan on finding such a girl? I think a lot of guys would like to find her, startup or not!
Thanks for the well thought out comments. Of course things are very different. It is just funny to call a friend and he talks about his kid and I talk about my business.
You should try having this same conversation with your wife. :)
As hard as startups are, I think kids are harder. Maybe that's why people talk about their kids so much. Biological units are just more difficult to program and debug ;)
I started to reply to this on Mike's website, but there was just too much to say. Check out this link where I, a parent, go through the same point-by-point competition:
"So for those keeping score, Mike went 6-1-1 (startup-baby-draw), while I went 2-4-2. I guess that our bias is expressed by the choices we have made to get where we are. I think it's easy to pick the startup because the experiences can be more easily related to someone else, while parenting sounds like a whole lot of work and you have to take someone else's word that "Babies make you happy." But the important lesson is to find something that makes you happy and feed it."
'In America I believe that it's technically illegal to invest in a child, but let's run the numbers.'
If this guy is capable of running a return on investement on his own son/daugther on becoming a professional golfer, and reaping the benefits, this guy is going to make it as a businessman, it can't get more callous than that.
I'm 28, starting a startup, and have a wonderful little man (14 months), and a terrific wife. I would caution people from trying to do both. No matter how much time you spend with the tike, when your always trying to squeeze in a few extra hours on the startup things get wobbly.
One of the areas I have had the hardest time with is getting consistent quality time with my wife. Spending a few hours each evening, say 7-9 hanging with your family is no problem and you get lots of great time reading books, playing, and feeding, but when 9:15 rolls around and you want to get back to work, that's when the trouble begins.
While I'm not giving up, and am now trying to ensure I make more time for my wife so we don't loose sight of why we feel in love and got married then we will be alright.
So if its a choice - do one first and the other next - if it just happens - like life - then be vigilant about putting time and attention into your family - things can unravel fast and its no fun to feel like your risking your awesome family for your risky startup.
If you need more than 50 hours/week for business then postpone the child but don't wait too long. Kids are fun but at the same time you don't want to be chasing a 10 year old when you're 50 and raising a teenager when you're 60+.
It all depends on the "Mother". If she loves you sincerely she will support you and the kid will not even know if you were there or not. At the end they will all enjoy the success. Besides a kid can be a motivation to become even more succesful.
I think the conclusion is that you really want to do a startup, and not have a baby. If your gut says so, you don't have to rationalize it, especially with such dubious arguments... Please, don't compute a baby's expectation value ever again!
You can do both (as I'm doing), but not exactly with the same ambition. I'm more of a lifestyle entrepreneur, growing the business slowly, managing my hours and spending some some great time with my wife and baby.
If you're aiming for the VC-backed billion-dollar startup with 80 hours work week, surviving on pizza and coke... Then your setting yourself for a failure as a dad/mother if you try to have a kid at the same time.
It is increasingly dangerous to have a child past 30. The danger is most pronounced for older women. If you want a family, I think the time for the bootstrapping raman startup has passed.
That risk is not pronounced past 30, but 35. Adding to that, it negligible. It's not like 50% of babies have issues, it's just that a greater percentage do compared to women in their 20's.
Most families these days are started by parents in their 30's.
I wouldn't even consider starting a family later than 35. And look at 45! More than a 1 in 33 chance you will have a child with Down syndrome (Trisomy 21) after 45...those are definitely not gambling odds.
Those numbers are far too small to base such a life changing decision on.
And this kind of risk to the baby is not nearly as serious as a risk to the mother. You can always try again. These are the stats you should be considering.
This is only an issue for women. Risk of problems with pregnancy (and birth defects) goes up significantly for women as they get older (best time to have kids for women is in their 20's). The male reproductive system is much, much simpler though and I don't think age is a factor for men at all. Of course as you age you'd have to find someone increasingly younger than you to carry a child. That would be the only problem.
On the other hand some men would not consider that to be a problem at all (assuming you can find a mate). And if you're a 40 yearold millionaire you shouldn't have a problem finding a 20-something to have a kid with. :-)
Obviously not a parent!
I think he's correct to make the choice however. Having a baby considerably alters your focus in the same way that a startup would. If I could, I would have chosen startup first, then baby.
By no means though does having a baby make a startup impossible, but it makes it very difficult to focus on.