Some things that might be helpful to you, in no particular order:
-Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming
-Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering.
-Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day.
-If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to.
-I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck.
Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you.
Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out.
Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it.
Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.
The funny thing is that in bits and pieces I had figured out most of the things you wrote, but I never connected them in this way. I also never had it in me to try them through, but now I am at least learning from my mistakes and we'll see how that turns out. I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard. Again and again until it becomes a habit. Start; Fail; Iterate.
You know what scares me the most?
That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work.
You know what keeps me awake at night?
I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary.
It's amazing what can happen once you start developing a positive feedback cycle. If you expect a lot from yourself, it's easy to be disappointed if every day doesn't produce rock-star results. So start small, with achievable things, and build more each day.
I started listening to Tony Robbins when I was 15 -- he kicked my ass in gear when I didn't have a dad to do it, and wasn't yet at the point of self-generating motivation.
When I was 17, I started working for him at his live events, and saw tens of thousands of people begin a turnaround. It's really great stuff. When people really couldn't afford the $800 product packages I'd be selling, I'd tell them to torrent it.
> I've realized that there aren't too many secrets to a beautiful life; it's just choosing the path that's too damn hard.
Okay, if you look at "the path", it's going to be tough. 90% of the time you want to be looking at one of two things. Either:
1. What you want as your end outcome, or,
2. What the next step is
That's it. Thinking "Oh man I'm going to have to go exercise for six months to get my weight and energy where I want..." - too much, that's too much for anyone. So think instead: What's my end goal? I want to be fit, long lived, with lots of energy. Okay. What's the next step? Go out for a 15 minute walk while listening to something pleasant. Then celebrate that.
Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem.
> You know what scares me the most? That I might not be smart enough/hard-working enough to actually make it work.
Yeah, that's classical deterministic thinking right there. The ability to "actually make it work" doesn't come from being "smart enough/hard-working enough" - making it work isn't an inborn inability, it comes from regular, incremental training. Definitely check out Waitzkin's Art of Learning. It'll do wonders for you. It's a light, easy, pleasant read too.
> I actually know that in all probability I don't have a future. Unlike, almost all of my peers I really can't have a linear life, and that is shit scary.
Do your best to catch yourself saying stuff like that, and then cut down on how much you say it. There's nothing magical about having a functional life. You figure out what you want in the long term (this takes some thinking on, and it's time well spent - it's actually pretty enjoyable to think about). Then you ask, "What's the next action?" 15 minute walk, go to the grocery store and buy oatmeal/tuna/rice/fruit, clean all your clothes and throw out the junk in your room, just reduce your email inbox a little bit from 700 down to 600 by deleting a few useless things (recently I got my inbox from 700 emails down to 3 emails over the course of two weeks, just one step at a time on it...). It's always, "What's the end goal? Okay. What's the next small step?"
There's no probability here, you're not rolling dice. If you think about what you want and take gradual steps to get there, you're almost certain to get there. If you introduce good foods to your diet while gradually quitting bad foods, your energy levels will improve. That's almost a certainty. That's how life works. You can do it. Celebrate the small wins, a successful life is a series of stringing small wins together, which eventually compound into bigger wins. In the end, it's not rocket surgery, and should be possible to anyone. You can do it.
>>>Don't focus on "the path" - the stuff that needs to be done. It's too much. Focus on what you want, and then ask what's the next action? It's taking a 15 minute walk. You can take a 15 minute walk. No problem.<<<
That's my problem right there.
Seriously, I hadn't been able to figure this bit of it out, and I've never thought of it that way. As I have been taught to believe that those who are afraid of the big picture are weak in some way.
Thank you.
I really can't tell you how I feel right now. It's as if someone has told shown me the hint of a new beginning.
I was about to say, I just hope I remember this, but now I realize that I can remember it by writing it down and reminding myself of the possibilities that exist whenever I am down. I don't have to worry about the end. It's too far away. I don't have to worry for today, because it is now and if I hinder it shall be the past. I have a bad past, but I can forget it by one little step at a time.
You are right.It's all about one step at a time.
>>>Yeah, that's classical deterministic thinking right there. The ability to "actually make it work" doesn't come from being "smart enough/hard-working enough" - making it work isn't an inborn inability, it comes from regular, incremental training. Definitely check out Waitzkin's Art of Learning. It'll do wonders for you. It's a light, easy, pleasant read too.<<<
A lot of it derives from the fact that since I was a kid I was told that I was "gifted", and all that crap. After a few events in my life that spiraled me down into that suffocating abyss that exists in our minds. I started flunking stuff. I flunked maths and other exams, and somehow I became convinced that I couldn't figure out a way out of my problems, because I wasn't smart enough to do so. So it became this cycle of self hatred that ate me away.
By the way, I'll read it when I'll be able to buy it/find it. I couldn't find it on any of the torrent networks. So, in a day or two I'll go to one of those British Council Libraries and stage a systematic invasion.
Thank you for everything.
Oh and can I bug you through email every now and then?
-Look at David Allen's book "Getting Things Done" for getting organized and putting a loose general system that lets you feel un-overwhelmed. Very important if you've got lots of random to-do's that are overwhelming
-Look at Josh Waitzkin's book "The Art of Learning" - start to understand deterministic and incremental learning. Incremental learning sees success and failure as a result of gradually putting in training, deterministic learning sees things as a result of how good/bad you are. Incremental learning is empowering, deterministic is disempowering.
-Have a listen to Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" audio program - it was recommended to me here on Hacker News, and I was never into that sort of thing, but it's really good. He'll give you ideas on how to start an exercise program, start setting goals, etc. You should start walking at least 15 minutes a day.
-If you don't have an iPod or other mp3 player now, beg, borrow, scrap, and scrape to afford a very cheap used model. Get some inspiring podcasts or audio books. Listen to them while doing errands or exercise that's boring. I hate doing mindless stuff, but it's a lot easier to get into a very good flow about cleaning, exercising for long periods of time, or running errands when you have interesting things to listen to.
-I also like Brian Tracy's "The Luck Factor" on audio, it describes all the attitudes and mindsets that produce generally positive outcomes, what most people call luck.
Normally I'd never advocate this as I believe in supporting content creators, but if you have literally no money and are on the verge of losing your mind, maybe go get a bittorrent client and download all this stuff. I think the creators will understand in this instance. Buy it later if you want to support their efforts, which you should with how much it can help you. Don't do this if it's illegal in your country or it seems wrong to you.
Good luck. The answer is to take small steps and celebrate the wins. Every minute you spend in nature, doing light walking, reading and learning the skills you need to dig out, progressing, and building yourself up is a win. Celebrate every time you have the meal you want to eat, wake up on the sleep schedule you want to be sleeping on, go for a walk, go to the library, make a phone call to someone, or so on. I've been to the depths of hell a couple times, you always come out of it much stronger. But the only way out is small steps of fundamentals and celebrating the wins. Don't get yourself down for not being perfect, celebrate every time you eat well, exercise lightly, handle your errands/priorities, stay focused on what you want, learn something, and otherwise take good action. That's the way out.
Finally, think about taking some martial arts. If you really have no money, tell the martial arts studio that you're very serious about training, have no money, but you'll clean the studio and run errands for them if you can get an occasional lesson at a mostly empty class. Tell them you're willing to do whatever it takes to contribute to the studio until you can afford your dues. Martial arts is good on lots of levels. Normally I'd recommend a scientific, military-based martial art to most people (like Krav Maga), but you actually might get more mileage out of Tai Chi, Kung Fu, or something with a spiritual/philosophical element to it.
Good luck. You'll get out. When in doubt, keep moving forwards. You'll be stronger than the vast majority of people once you come out of this, because you'll know you were at the bottom and survived. Nothing will be so scary after this. Prosperity! Claim it. Small steps. Be creative, celebrate the small wins, and you'll be back as fast as possible, and then ready to thrive even further.