I am a black (Haitian and Dominican decent) 26-year-old male DevOps Engineer living in Atlanta and I can totally understand where she is coming from. I always try to not think much of it, but somehow there is definitely this feeling that I don't belong. I could never put my finger on exactly what it is because I do get along great with my co-workers and have never seen my race as a hindrance. I just feel like there is no room for the real me, so all my co-workers get is the side of me I want them to see which is the EDM loving, Linux ninja that I'm expected to be.
It is feels even worse when I go to a tech conference like the upcoming AWS re:Invent because I'm usually the only black guy around, but I still participate as much as possible and even placed in last year’s hackathon.
I hope I don't come off as whiny because I still very much love what I do and would not trade it for the world. I have met and worked with some awesome people over the years and have learned so much.
Sorry for the mini-rant, I just wanted to give some of my perspective on the matter
Quite honestly, if you don't mind sharing, what's the delta between the real you and the expected you?
(Also, how would you characterize 'expected you' as being different from a 'professional you' that we all live with the pressure of in the work world?)
I am not even sure how to properly describe it. My friends who know the real me know that I am more of an in your face kind of person, not in a bad or menacing way but in a way that may make some co-workers uncomfortable.
I like to have spirited debates with friends, which from the outside might look like arguing or some sort of confrontation. When dealing with co-workers or people that
I am not very close with I do my best to tone down my personality.
I am not a small guy and certain people I've come across have even confided in me that they were for some reason intimidated by me when they first meet me. I don't think that would be the case if I were not black. not really sure what that's about
Even little things like the type of music I am willing to admit I enjoy are different between peer groups.
not sure if that answers your question but that kind of sums it up
I do think it might be the case if you were white. Why? Because I am, and you just described difficulties I've faced perfectly. I am fairly confrontational - I believe objective reality exists, we can measure and reason about it, and feelings should be ignored. I'm also 6'6", currently a cruiserweight but often a heavyweight. I intuitively think statistically, which I'm told adds to things.
A very good friend of mine told me she is sometimes intimidated by me. We have difficult conversations on a stairwell - she stands 2-3 steps up.
In my next job, I'm going to be very careful to work somewhere that shares my style. In many cultures (e.g. the NY hipster culture) I would be better off hiding the real me. So I strongly suspect this may just be you (and me), not a race thing.
Of course, human perception is biased and irrational, so my experience may be 100% me while yours is 50% you 50% race.
In my next job, I'm going to be very careful to work somewhere that shares my style. In many cultures (e.g. the NY hipster culture) I would be better off hiding the real me.
I hope that in future generations, public behavior that requires people to "hide the real" self will be regarded in the same light that toxic overtly racist speech is held in today. Usually, when people feel they need to "hide the real me" it's because they are afraid of the occurrence of a toxic mob situation with ingroup/outgroup psychology as its foundation.
I'm a 20-something white male and feel exactly the same. Maybe it's just a personality trait? Do you think it's possible that the feeling you don't belong is not related to your skin colour? I'm asking genuinely, not rhetorically.
It is feels even worse when I go to a tech conference like the upcoming AWS re:Invent because I'm usually the only black guy around, but I still participate as much as possible and even placed in last year’s hackathon.
I hope I don't come off as whiny because I still very much love what I do and would not trade it for the world. I have met and worked with some awesome people over the years and have learned so much. Sorry for the mini-rant, I just wanted to give some of my perspective on the matter