What would really sell me is if there was some hardcore copywriter/marketer behind it as well... that coupled with your great design skills would sell me!
So many comments from people who clearly did not even read your page! The subtitle states "I'll WRITE, design, and code a custom page...", and the very first paragraph describing your offer states: "I'm an expert COPYWRITER and designer, and I want to help you...".
Don't let the ADHD crowd get you down. Beautifully done.
An expert copywriter would know he has to optimize for the "ADHD crowd" (which is about 80% of people on the internet), for example by mentioning he provides copy in at least one of the subheads, instead of keeping his head in the sand like you suggest.