Have you ever felt "trapped"?

joshu · on July 28, 2009

I have been. I was working full time at a brokerage. It was very draining. I worked on my project for two years, every night, sometimes just for fifteen minutes at a time.

You need to just get started. 15 minutes every day.

You are going to have to learn how to be more efficient elsewhere. You're going to have to be ruthlessly efficient with your projects, too. Beware engineering meanders. [An entire world of learning goes here. Too long to write. Maybe someday I should. You'll have to pick it up too.]

I find that when I'm too tired to work, it's a temporary feeling - if you power through it, and do JUST 15 minutes of work, you can do another 15, and then another hour, and then go pass out.

You can do it.

icey · on July 28, 2009

You're exhausted and showing signs of burning out.

I'd recommend taking some vacation time to do nothing. If you can't do that, then you need to find another job that is less stressful to you.

Maybe even consider taking a job that you would ordinarily consider "boring", so that you have the energy to work on your ideas.

With your current situation, all you can really do is stress yourself out even more.

CyberFonic · on July 28, 2009

Yup! Burn-out Zone ! Take some time out, chill, assess what you want out of life. Some questions to consider :

"Demanding full time job": who is doing the demanding, your boss? you? co-workers? How can you deflect or reduce the demands?

"A company whose values don't match mine": why are you stil working there? Life's too short to be stuck in self-invalidation.

Like you, I couldn't get enough energy together after work to productively work on my side project. So I downsized and quit. The side project has turned into full-time PhD research and a consulting business. Haven't regretted taking the leap. For me, happiness is doing what I'm passionate and interested in. The big mortgage was just a trap to keep me working for The Man.

brandon272 · on July 29, 2009

Do you have a family to support?

CyberFonic · on Aug 13, 2009

YES! We are a team!

RobGR · on July 29, 2009

I have been there, it took a long to force myself to leave the situation.

A wise man said about overly restrictive religous regulations, "Sabbath was made for Man, not Man for the Sabbath", meaning the rules of rest on Sunday and etc are meant to make our lives better, we were not created to suffer for the glorification of some set of rules.

A job is supposed to make your life better -- steady income, you can have more stuff, etc. If it is taking up too much time, requires you to live where you don't want to (my case), then the job is not doing it's job.

A house and mortgage are supposed to make your life better. You live in a nicer place, you can observe your equity and wealth increasing month by month, you have more freedom to change your house or take up hobbies that you might not do in a rented house. If the mortgage requires you work too much to enjoy the house, the mortgage isn't doing it's job.

I'm not advising making any rash decisions like going full hippy or something, but in a more gradual and moderate way, you can feel out your boss about working four days a week; look at your life and cut some spending, ditching the house and renting if that is what gives greater freedom and security; etc.

Careers and houses aren't worth that much. They don't hang around that long or increase in value that much in the long run. If you look at the number of times the average American moves or switches careers, any helathy cat or dog will outlive your current career and house. They just aren't worth giving up life long dreams or health for. Now your marriage, that could be different.

Try suggesting to your boss that you will commit to being in the office 10 hours a day, but need every Friday off. When he shoots it down, wait a week and then suggest trying it only one week a month.

Also, take your ideas and break them up into extremely small tasks, that take an hour or less. If you can look down a TODO list and see something quickly achievable, that can get you going even when you are exhausted.

alex_c · on July 29, 2009

After one of our contractors suddenly quit, left the country, and dramatically changed his lifestyle, my old manager started to joke that in the future he'll only ever hire people with a mortgage.

What do you value the most?

Slightly more practical advice - this depends entirely on your situation, but what about consulting? If you can transition to that and still make enough to cover the mortgage, you should have much more control over your schedule.

Along the same lines - I once worked with someone who was only working 4 days a week. Why? Simply because he asked. It didn't affect his role on the team, or his effectiveness, he just wasn't there one day a week. If you're willing to take a 20% pay cut, it's an option to consider.

trafficlight · on July 28, 2009

I'm in the exact same situation right now.

I have two projects that are actually making money(!) but not enough for my wife and I to live off of. I would really like to find a programmer to work with, but I can't afford that either. Or rather, I'm not sure what other options I have so I can afford somebody.

I know there needs be a leap of faith somewhere, but I don't how high or even where to jump.

brandon272 · on July 28, 2009

"but I don't how high or even where to jump."

I think this stems from not wanting to put your family in an unnecessary and risky situation, and having to reconcile whether your career choices are made for your benefit or for your whole family.

ph0rque · on July 28, 2009

Wow... my situation exactly, except I have kids but no mortgage.

Any advice would be appreciated.