I know that when you're in the middle of an argument it feels like you're having a 1-1 conversation, but you're not: you're writing messages to everyone on HN. This kind of "apologize first" stuff is really boring. If you don't think the person you're talking to is arguing in good faith, stop responding to them.
I only caught on about the bad faith after noticing several comments in a row that included insults or slights. You are right, best course is just to totally disengage.
