Among my friends from childhood, I see a lot more stay-at-home dads or guys with less stressful jobs that leave more time for family. Anecdotal of course, and we’re all very progressive, so I guess maybe they are ahead of the curve or something like that. Anyway, there’s hope I think.
It is a team effort. Having a stay-at-home spouse allows the career-focused one to… focus more effort on the career, leading to better specialization. This is good.
We could equally wonder if housewives in the 50’s worried that they weren’t bringing home enough money to put their kids through school. Maybe so, but if they were, I think it is unfortunate that their at-home efforts weren’t being accounted for accurately.
There’s nothing wrong with that sort of configuration other than, historically, the awful assumption that gender determines which role you’ll get.
Many men are coming to terms with describing this perspective as “toxic masculinity.” It doesn’t have to be this way, and you absolutely don’t have to be this way either. I’m certainly not.
I used to be in an environment that encouraged that perspective. I didn’t change jobs, I didn’t move home, but I did still change my environment by changing my social circle.
Was it easy? No. Did it take years? Yes. Was it lonely and tough at times? Absolutely.
“The environment decides” is much like “the universe decides” and “it’s out of my hands”. It’s defeatist, and self fulfilling, because the path of least resistance is often not the best path a person can take.
Taking ownership and responsibility for yourself and your life isn’t easy, but it is worthwhile.
"Men shouldn't highlight social problems that uniquely affect them and should instead just stop whining and take responsibility and ownership of their own outcomes" is pretty much a defining attribute of "toxic masculinity."
