After going through my dad's computer while trying to fix it for him, I realized that there are a lot of things I really don't want to know about my parents. Everything I know about them is enough. Digging through their texts, their browsing history, their emails, etc is not fair in my opinion, and better left unread.
This sort of experience is fundamental to developing an appreciation for privacy. It just feels bad on a pretty basic level to have your privacy violated, or to uncover things you weren't supposed. Here's my two big transformative privacy moments.
I'm fifteen and talking online with various strangers from all over the world, as one did at the time, and one night at 3am one of my closest friends calls me as a joke. It was an older man from a different country. My mom answers, freaks out, and wakes up my dad who comes into my room and drags me away from the computer and asks who the hell is calling for me at this hour. I tell my dad it's a friend. He asks me who. I tell him his internet handle and my dad calms down, tells my mom it's okay, and sends me to bed. What I put together later and through similar experiences was that my dad had already vetted the guy. He knew everything I was doing and saying to people. Everything. It took me a long time to understand he was a nervous, technically-minded parent navigating a new aspect of parenting in the early 2000s. But the feeling of paranoia and violation lingered.
The second experience was being an insecure teenager and accessing people's emails and msn conversations. The things I learned were things I didn't want to learn, and weren't fair for me to know, and they just made me feel bad, untrusting, and slimy. But I'm grateful to have learned that early in life. I don't care about other people's emails or texts. I have zero interest or inkling to go through anyone's phone or data out of a basic level of understanding and respect for privacy.
The dad story sucks. My parents spied on me when I was in high school too. That was the first time I learned to use Linux. However. It didn’t really do anything to me. I was furious at the time. But now a decade later it doesn’t matter at all.
I don’t think I’d care if someone close to me goes through my stuff if i die. And I don’t think my parents or brother would care if I go through their stuff if they pass away before they can set up how to deal with their digital stuff.
The only ramification I can think of would be my father being sad at seeing some of my behavior which he would view as immoral because of his conservatism.
Though on the other hand. I stumbled across two secrets of a close relative because of some physical disks being left behind when they went off somewhere. I’ve never brought it up to anyone. I do wish I never knew them. And I do believe many people would negatively judge what was seen. That would be unfortunate.
I guess I don’t think being so black and white with privacy like HN usually is, is so obvious. Like how I don’t value my privacy if I die that much.
Parents have a duty to protect their children, including from themselves. That said they also have a duty to allow their older children enough freedom to learn independence. It’s a hard problem and there’s no algorithm.
This is what I try and get across to people who are snippy about me not letting them touch/look at my phone - "There are other people in there, not just me".
I bought a used NAS at a garage sale. The woman said it was her husband's, who had passed away a couple months ago.
I took it home and fired it up. It didn't have a password on it or anything. So I went looking through photos of the backyard, birdfeeders, and thought "wow it's so sad this stuff was just given away". I felt bad for the family who might be missing all his photos.
Then after a few more minutes it got way darker. The NAS had what looked like child porn on it. Some candid videos of a teenage girl adjusting her bra when she thinks nobody's looking, some more hardcore porn with someone who either was or at least tried really hard to look underaged.
So now here I was, in possession of child pornography (maybe?), on a drive from a garage sale, belonging to a dead man. That is a fucking dilemma. A million scenarios ran through my head. Was this was some sort of set-up? Would I face criminal charges for possessing this?
I took it to the police, they eventually reviewed it and told me there was nothing illegal on it. They asked me if I wanted it back, I told them to dispose of it.
I would have gone to the police with my lawyer, I would have asked for everything I say to be recorded. You were trusting the police to do the right thing bye you. Risky strategy.
Agreed. My father is currently fighting multiple myeloma. The treatment will have a risky phase in hospital where his immune system will be rebuild.
He is, in preparation, currently organizing a packet of information and passwords (Keepass) which I need if the worst thing would happen. The rest I will respectfully erase. And I hope my relatives will do the same for me.
