The biggest fear I have with burnout is: How will I provide for my family?
I have money saved up, and if push came to shove, we would survive, but then I'd be so neurotic that I wouldn't be getting rest!
Also: If I burned out enough that I couldn't go back to my job, I have no idea what other career I would choose (sysadmin). Not just because of interest, but also because of lack of skills. I love my job, and I work a lot, but burnout does terrify me, because I don't see that there is much of a safety net.
That's what serious hobbies are good for, pal. Those won't allow you to support your current lifestyle, but if you can do something useful - and do it well enough to charge money for it - that can bridge you to the other side of lean times with your self steem in good-enough shape.
It's amazing how well I can completely relate to this. I have been dipping in and out of burnout for a while now, and I realized that I really don't have any interests outside of programming. I used to, but I guess I kinda burned everything when I started getting seriously into programming (age 12-ish, I guess). There are times when I find myself incapable of giving a flying fuck about a new web framework, or a new server orchestration tool, or even learning about semi-related things (to programming anyway) like graphics programming or ML. I have found that I need to cultivate other interests that I can focus on when I find myself in a tech-hating mood. Still haven't found anything that captivates me the way that computers used to.
My biggest concern is that, even though I feel like I am getting capital-F Fucked by my current company, I have this pathological resistance to letting people down, and whenever I think about quitting, I get upset and those latent suicidal thoughts start cropping up. Not to mention that if I quit my job, I would be able to afford to support myself for about a week.
> My biggest concern is that, even though I feel like I am getting capital-F Fucked by my current company, I have this pathological resistance to letting people down, and whenever I think about quitting, I get upset and those latent suicidal thoughts start cropping up. Not to mention that if I quit my job, I would be able to afford to support myself for about a week.
I'm kinda hoping your talking to someone about this. I don't think it's unnatural for you to think/feel this way, but suicidal thoughts are not a good sign. Also, I'd recommend trying to save up a bunch so that you could support yourself. I know it can be hard, but it's much less stressful than living paycheck to paycheck.
Thank you for your concern, I mean that genuinely. I have been seeing a therapist regularly for over a year now. We are both pretty confident, despite really wanting to, I have enough coping strategies that I am not likely go through with it, so that's good.
The money thing is a whole other ball of wax though. I have been saving pretty hard since at least last summer, and, as it stands I have around 500 bucks in my savings. Pretty much my whole paycheck is eaten by rent, food, and transit. Some times things like unexpected medical expenses come up, or my family needs money. I am actually in a position where I just can't afford to pay the state/city taxes this year on top of my federal taxes being fucked beyond belief. I know I could just call them to figure out what's up and get an extension, but even the thought of calling them is enough to inspire a panic reaction.
If I think too hard about the situation I start getting really depressed, anxious, and resentful of pretty much everything.
Know your strengts. If that's what your skillset is right now, and you need it sooner rather than later, sysadmining it is!
You may want to extend your skillset to other (non-tech) areas, as long as it makes you happy. But use what you already have in order to pull yourself up.
Being sysadmin myself and experiencing a burnout, I can relate to that very much. I've been out of work for several months now after quitting my last job and still don't feel completely recovered.
Being in operations is very stressful. I'm seriously thinking of career change, but haven't developed any other skills outside system administration for the last 10 years. Not having the social support (I'm a transplant) just makes it even harder. New ideas are always appreciated. :)
I have money saved up, and if push came to shove, we would survive, but then I'd be so neurotic that I wouldn't be getting rest!
Also: If I burned out enough that I couldn't go back to my job, I have no idea what other career I would choose (sysadmin). Not just because of interest, but also because of lack of skills. I love my job, and I work a lot, but burnout does terrify me, because I don't see that there is much of a safety net.