I worked in a startup, got really close with alot of people, pushed myself way too hard and would crash repeatedly.
Now, I work a job were I can easily get 8 hours of sleep a night. Sleep isn't everything but, if you can achieve 8 hours then you are headed in the right direction.
What helps me is taking time to listen to music. Not having in the background while doing other things, just sitting down and listening to your favorite album front to back. Finding times to slow down enough to do these things will help.
Also, I find that yoga is great but, don't get competitive with yourself. Actually just folding into childs pose or something else simple and easy to actively rest your body does wonders.
Lastly, we all work in an industry where there are many options, alot of flexability, alot of understanding of people not performing at 100%. Talk to people. So many of us have been there and yet we stay silent because we only see others' success and hide the struggle.
If you need to, change what you are doing. Change jobs, talk to co-founders, talk to your partner about figuring things out. Burn out can kill you.
Yoga is pretty fantastic. It sucks that it's fallen victim to standard American sport competitiveness. Yoga isn't about bragging rights, it's just about slow and steady self-improvement and relaxation.
Is it just me, or is the text dripping with warning signs of impending burnout?
It all sounds more trite than personal. The reading lists of inspirational achieve-more themed books. And the insistence on not only being completely recovered but "in a better place" after only four months.
Oh, and the eight blogs submitted here in 40 days.
I felt overly cynical thinking the same. My current belief is that people prop up the advice that they want to work for themselves. That is, this seems stemmed from an attempt to create a feedback loop that is targeted at what feels to be working.
Personally, I wish the best of luck on it. I view this as a form of depression, and I'm of the opinion that depression in all forms is a difficult problem that we don't really understand well. It seems that any advice, no matter how well intentioned, is ultimately just an attempt to get things kickstarted towards a better direction. With no real means to know if another stall is coming.
I agree totally. The guy is going from having a burnout to becoming manic-depressive. He's having a high right now, but I am almost certain he will crash again in a few weeks/months.
The biggest fear I have with burnout is: How will I provide for my family?
I have money saved up, and if push came to shove, we would survive, but then I'd be so neurotic that I wouldn't be getting rest!
Also: If I burned out enough that I couldn't go back to my job, I have no idea what other career I would choose (sysadmin). Not just because of interest, but also because of lack of skills. I love my job, and I work a lot, but burnout does terrify me, because I don't see that there is much of a safety net.
That's what serious hobbies are good for, pal. Those won't allow you to support your current lifestyle, but if you can do something useful - and do it well enough to charge money for it - that can bridge you to the other side of lean times with your self steem in good-enough shape.
It's amazing how well I can completely relate to this. I have been dipping in and out of burnout for a while now, and I realized that I really don't have any interests outside of programming. I used to, but I guess I kinda burned everything when I started getting seriously into programming (age 12-ish, I guess). There are times when I find myself incapable of giving a flying fuck about a new web framework, or a new server orchestration tool, or even learning about semi-related things (to programming anyway) like graphics programming or ML. I have found that I need to cultivate other interests that I can focus on when I find myself in a tech-hating mood. Still haven't found anything that captivates me the way that computers used to.
My biggest concern is that, even though I feel like I am getting capital-F Fucked by my current company, I have this pathological resistance to letting people down, and whenever I think about quitting, I get upset and those latent suicidal thoughts start cropping up. Not to mention that if I quit my job, I would be able to afford to support myself for about a week.
> My biggest concern is that, even though I feel like I am getting capital-F Fucked by my current company, I have this pathological resistance to letting people down, and whenever I think about quitting, I get upset and those latent suicidal thoughts start cropping up. Not to mention that if I quit my job, I would be able to afford to support myself for about a week.
I'm kinda hoping your talking to someone about this. I don't think it's unnatural for you to think/feel this way, but suicidal thoughts are not a good sign. Also, I'd recommend trying to save up a bunch so that you could support yourself. I know it can be hard, but it's much less stressful than living paycheck to paycheck.
Thank you for your concern, I mean that genuinely. I have been seeing a therapist regularly for over a year now. We are both pretty confident, despite really wanting to, I have enough coping strategies that I am not likely go through with it, so that's good.
The money thing is a whole other ball of wax though. I have been saving pretty hard since at least last summer, and, as it stands I have around 500 bucks in my savings. Pretty much my whole paycheck is eaten by rent, food, and transit. Some times things like unexpected medical expenses come up, or my family needs money. I am actually in a position where I just can't afford to pay the state/city taxes this year on top of my federal taxes being fucked beyond belief. I know I could just call them to figure out what's up and get an extension, but even the thought of calling them is enough to inspire a panic reaction.
If I think too hard about the situation I start getting really depressed, anxious, and resentful of pretty much everything.
Know your strengts. If that's what your skillset is right now, and you need it sooner rather than later, sysadmining it is!
You may want to extend your skillset to other (non-tech) areas, as long as it makes you happy. But use what you already have in order to pull yourself up.
Being sysadmin myself and experiencing a burnout, I can relate to that very much. I've been out of work for several months now after quitting my last job and still don't feel completely recovered.
Being in operations is very stressful. I'm seriously thinking of career change, but haven't developed any other skills outside system administration for the last 10 years. Not having the social support (I'm a transplant) just makes it even harder. New ideas are always appreciated. :)
It's not clear to me what is burnout. Sometimes I'm really exhausted for a few weeks, but I just keep pushing and then it goes away. Is it a bad thing? Could that develop into a real burnout..? Would it be preferable to take a few days off when that happens? Personally, when I feel like that, vacations don't feel good at all, so I'd much rather work and get shit done and take vacation when I feel better.
For me[0] it just happened when I realized that no matter how hard I worked the company I worked for where going to go bankrupt anyway.
I started crying anytime I was alone. Sounds that reminded me about problems at work (e.g. a loose drive belt) would instantly give me pain in my stomach. It took months before I could work in customer facing work again. I was lucky, worked at a farm and completed military (draft) in between and little by little things got better.
I sometimes feel really exhausted and unmotivated, going to work only because it is a duty (to work and my family) but I never burned out again.
[0]: This was before burnouts was a thing so I never got a diagnosis and I only realized later that I hat hit the wall hard.
For me one of the factors that separates burnout from other forms is the "burn" part.
It was the fact that I had worked so hard only to see it fail anyway and people I worked with not caring rather still buy tools while they had already IIRC started looting the place.
Another thing: That job was way beyond stressful. At some points two big blokes, one coworker I had though of as a friend together with a friend of him came to "take" me whatever that meant and the way I got away was running for the kitchen, grabbing a knife and place myself in the doorway so nobody could get behind me. Eventually they gave up.
I thought burnout to be caused by stress and exhaustion. Your mind shuts down to protect itself and anything work related triggers heavy anxiety. In that respect burnout is more akin to PTSD than depression.
I unfortunately have PTSD from my service in combat, and have previously burned out at work, before my time in the infantry. These two things are not related nor for that matter very much alike. Burnout -- at least, the burnout that I have experienced -- is manageable to some degree, but I could tell you stories about PTSD that don't sound believable.
Indeed. I've suffered through burnout and recently realized I have PTSD as well (though it's comparatively minor, I didn't realize for the longest time because it was due to childhood emotional trauma not combat or anything like that and I had no clue what the symptoms were or what could cause it).
Burnout is a stress disorder, as is PTSD, but trauma is typically not involved. Indeed, the lack of trauma is often why burnout sneaks up on people so easily. At least with PTSD you often have some "big event" that you can track things back to that is something that most people would say "ok, that's something that can be life altering". But you can burnout even if you're working only 20 hours a week at a "fun" job and earning 6 figures a year. Burnout is caused by stress, PTSD is stress and other symptoms caused by trauma. They share some similar symptoms because they both involve stress, but they are not the same. Removing the stress and spending time relaxing usually helps clear up burnout to a substantial degree, but the stress in PTSD is caused by the memory of trauma that happened in the past, and that doesn't go away, it's internal not external. Additionally, PTSD is not only harder to tackle it's also typically more life altering because it has much more severe symptoms (arousal, hypervigilance, constant reliving of the trauma, guilt, being easily startled, etc.)
Two issues: 1. it seems lots people mix up burnout with exhaustion or lack of motivation. It is not the same.
2. I'm afraid, and I am not alone to think that people feel like burnout == bragging rights.
It is not. It is just painful and unproductive. I now say (tongue-in-cheek, admittedly) that it is far better to keep going at 95-120% for year after year than going all the way to 160 for weeks, meet the wall and needing months to fully recover. Often families and other relationships suffer as well.
I got into really dark places from overworking. Stopped feeling like myself, stopped feeling my body. I'd get panic attacks, shut down, feel like I'm watching the movie of my life rather than living it as first person. I basically wasn't myself anymore. A simple thought could propel me into that other dimension. I had all kind of weird body effects, couldn't feel limbs, completely lost strength in my back to the point I couldn't stand or sit. It took months to get back to normal.
So is your second sentence inaccurate, insulting, and offensive? yeah
I think burnout can surface in a few ways. Depression is definately huge. Another sign is diminishing returns on work. Spending hours will accomplish virtually nothing, constant mental fatique. Lack of self preservation, maybe skipping laundry and other "less important" activities. And when it gets super extreme a dissosiation of yourself. I got mega burned out once, at its peak... and its hard to describe, but i almost viewed myself in the 3rd person. Like I was playing a video game, and controlled this player, but really nothing I did ultimately mattered because it was just a game. It took me a solid 2 years to get "better". Quitting was the first step, vacations didn't really help me. I'd just keep thinking about work during them :\
I view it as something similar to overtraining in sports (like weight lifting.) It's possible to get "overtrained" on code, I think. Without adequate rest periods between periods in the zone for writing code or running a business, you will, without question, see reduced performance. This reduced performance mode is toxic, and I think, essentially what burnout is.
You are in the middle of it right now. I'd suggest you get some help or take some time off because eventually once you hit the tipping point you may find recovering is very difficult.
In my case vacation helps in situations like this but only under the condition that I disconnect from everything digital and go out in the nature for a few days, even a weekend. No smartphone, no laptop, no Internet, nothing. Then I feel refreshed.
The biggest signs of burnout are when you just don't care anymore and the quality of your work starts to suffer. When you start to dread going into work and have to force yourself to do so by way of avoiding negative consequences (shame, unemployment, not being able to pay the bills, eviction, etc.) When your plans related to work grow increasingly disconnected from reality and haven't seen traction for ages (i.e. you'll quit and start freelancing, win the lottery, turn things around tomorrow and get that promotion, etc.)
The most important think I learned when I got it is how to recognize it.
Burnout is really hard to understand when it happens to you. The best symptom I can give is that you become less productive - work never flows anymore, you always have to force yourself into it, all the time, not just at the start/end of a day. It did not feel like exhaustion for me, but like a steady state of helplessness.
And if you get this, don't compensate by pushing yourself harder into work (what I did). You'll just make it worse.
When I see companies demanding people's lives, I now see a message. The message is from the executives, board members, and investors. The message is the reality behind 'corporate culture', 80 hour weeks, and other destructive, unsustainable practices.
The message is: "WE ARE NOT GETTING RICH FAST ENOUGH!"
Wow... Seems to me that the guy is far from being over with his burnout. He's still obsessed about work, numbers... and went from reading "non-technical" books to "self-help" books aka psychology technical books. You don't go "from" a burnout to "a better place". It's not about a lack of "equilibrium". It's not a engineering problem. It's a disease! This guy should consult, and probably get a real break. Like one or two years off resting.
If you are the sole provider for a family, as seems to be the case here, you can't just take a year or two break. Sad maybe, but someone has to pay the rent and buy food.
Well, when you're sick, you're sick. But maybe I am overestimating it. What I am sure of, it that you need a real time off, not working at all - a few months at least. And it's not about "feeling better", it's about curing your disease.
When the majority of my country's citizens are sick (aka "unable to work"), virtually all of their financial benefits disappear (even in my great country, the USA) because they have no universal health-care and non-wealthy parents.
This isn't unique to the US. Very few countries allows you to have the government pay your bills. Even known "welfare" countries aren't even going to put up with that without requiring you to cut substantial costs. So if you got kids, mortgage, partner you're pretty much stuck for.
While this is true, a change of scenery can always be a way to take a few days off and recharge your batteries. Most of the time when I realized I was hurtling towards a burnout, I would simply start interviewing, and once I landed a new gig, made it mandatory to have at least a week buffer between the end of one gig and the start of the other.
The important thing here is I didn't do ANYTHING AT ALL that week. Sure, I cleaned the house, went biking, and generally stopped to smell the roses, but I made sure not to write a line of code, look at code or even think about code that whole week. When you're burned out, your body and mind shut down. Being able to re-engage your brain and body properly and give them the break they deserve does wonders.
Even having a week just to shutdown and restart over does amazing things for your mind and body. you don't need a year to recoup and get going again.
Agree how helpful a total break for a week can be.
I've always found it odd that the USA only gives two weeks annual holiday (plus public holidays). Someone finding a new job just to get a week off seems really inefficient - it probably takes months for their replacement to be hired an up to speed. Easier to give the current employee time off.
Although all my permanent jobs have been in the UK with four or five weeks annual leave plus bank holidays.
Sounds like this guy lives in Norway, which means the state will pay his wife's cost of living if she's disabled. Assuming they don't live an extravagant lifestyle, financially speaking.
Is that enough to live off of? I know disability in the US tends to be in the range of 1k a month... depending on spending levels it may not be sustainable.
If he has an insurance and is officially ill he could sign up for pay compensation. The first year he would receive 100% of his gross and 70% after the first.
I think his health benefits would get cut during this time. And can you really get 2 years off work for being burned out? I have no idea, but my understanding is you need some serious doctor notes to get classified as disabled.
If he lives in Norway, as indicated in the blogpost, his doctor can give him sick leave for up to 1 year. The state will compensate his salary 100%.
If one is still sick after 1 year one can apply for permanent disability. Permanent disability will probably be around 66% of one’s previous salary, but no less then 25 000$ per year and no more then 65 000$ per year. One can additional apply for some special benefits like housing subsidy, child benefits etc if needed.
Unable to work doesn't mean you're disabled in Germany. Of course it takes 2 to 3 appointments at the doctor to get the insurance prescription, but I don't know any case where that was a problem at all.
> Wow... Seems to me that the guy is far from being over with his burnout. He's still obsessed about work, numbers... and went from reading "non-technical" books to "self-help" books aka psychology technical books.
This is a very ungenerous interpretation of the article. Did you read it or just skimmed it? It's very clear that he is in a far better place now. The books he mentions are just a few that he found useful along the way, nothing wrong about that.
Is it a common thing to realise you are burnouted in front of the kitchen closet? It was the same for me, stuck in front of food and didn't even know why I opened the door. Then I get scared.
Food selection is a weird one - it shouldn't take much cognitive overhead, but the more stressed and tired I am, the more likely I am to just not bother eating, rather than take the energy to decide what to eat.
For instance, it's now Wednesday, I haven't got around to putting food in myself since Sunday. I've managed a few hundred cups of coffee though. Kept going into the kitchen last night, and rather than eating kept finding myself chores to do until I gave up and went to bed - which is the place you lie until you hear the birds start to sing, then you close your eyes for what feels like five minutes, your alarm goes off, and you start all over again.
Life is hell, but that's OK. I've made peace with being permanently anxious, stressed, and tired. Sure, it's cost me all of my friends, relationships, etc., but that's OK, they're only things, and nothing really matters anyway - everybody ends up dead eventually.
You're deep in a habitual cycle of dependency. It's not a good place but you can get out.
Cut the coffee immediately, throw it out if you need to. Your hunger should return in a few hours. Take a shower, wear clean clothes, prepare a nice filling fatty meal, pizza is a good option. Has to be a high fat meal to make food appealing again.
After this you're gonna crash hard as your mind and body recovers. Go to bed.
You've clearly never been so depressed and anxious you couldn't eat because this is terrible "advice" that is not helpful.
"Your hunger should return in a few hours" after cutting out coffee is just plain wrong. Coffee is not the issue here though it may be a good idea to cut out potential appetite suppressants - but don't act like it's that simple. Nor does eating fatty food make food appealing to someone who has trouble eating due to anxiety. Nor does forcing yourself to eat in this situation make you "crash."
I've been there, too anxious and depressed to eat, couldn't taste food, puked it up if I tried to force myself to eat. I was able to eat again with the help of a medical doctor, which is what this person needs. This is not as simple as cutting out coffee and eating a pizza, this is a big deal and very, very difficult to get over.
Oh, I'm immaculately dressed - gotta look good for the clients.
The coffee is effect, not cause - although I am fully aware I've a raging caffeine addiction.
No chance to go to bed, I have conference calls, staff disciplinary meetings, budgets, strategy sessions, and contracts to sort out.
As I said, it's OK. I've made my peace with gnawing anxiety, stress and suicidal depression as normal facts of life. It's like being bedfellows with a axe murderer - just fine, so long as you never relax and let your guard down.
You're underestimating the effect of coffee dependence. The coffee is an effect, the dependence is a cause.
The anxiety, stress and suicidal depression are not normal. Consider, is you life worth the pay you're getting for this? $150 a day to be driven insane? Most would say no, except to self deprecate, which your neurosis predilects you toward.
As a friend, i'd say it's time to see a therapist, doc, or talk it out with someone close or who can help.
The truth, what you're doing now is unsustainable and makes you unhappy. Step 1 is acknowledging that. Step 2 is realising you can change anything. Imagine if you'd never chosen this career path. It could have happened, so why stick with it?
Ah, but I'm not an employee - I'm a founder/director, and have 40 people directly dependent on me keeping going for their livelihoods, and thousands (maybe tens of thousands) indirectly dependent. $150 a day isn't far off the mark though.
So that's the rub - do I cave and leave a large number of people in the lurch, and deal with the much greater stress and anxiety that that will cause, or do I keep going.
There's not really a choice - but there isn't really any such thing as choice, we just fool ourselves into thinking that we make decisions. In reality, shit just happens, and you roll with it.
Edit: Oh, on the Shortness of Life is one of my favourite essays - but Seneca was Nero's chief advisor, and never had any particular responsibilities in life, so I take his rather epicurean for a stoic advice with a hefty lump of salt.
With respect it sounds like you need to delegate. I don't know your situation, so apologies if that sounds presumptuous, but as a CTO I have experienced burnout and it's debilitating. In fact I'd say the last two weeks were the first where I've actually felt able to create and be productive since last September - where I felt I was close to a breakdown; but luckily it coincided with a planned holiday which allowed my brain to calm down (at least), but on return from the holiday I had zero productivity and motivation. I switched myself from dev+boss mode into just boss mode and delegated until I felt able to contribute again. I don't know if that would help in your situation?
Oh, agreed - but see the bit about disciplinary meetings. Unfortunately I'm an anti-authoritarian, and have managed to fill a company with like minded people. This was fine while we were small and scrappy, fighting "the man" - thing is, we won, we are now "the man", it's become Serious Business, and my lieutenants are struggling to adapt to the shift in culture, to the degree that I find myself taking responsibility for everything. I'm struggling to adapt to the shift in culture. Sitting people down and telling them that being drunk at work isn't on isn't in my nature. I used to love being drunk at work - but that was five years ago, times have moved on. It's not easy taking off your duster and putting on a suit.
Holiday, I need one. I was meant to have two weeks off last summer but instead spent six weeks in and out of hospital, trying not to die from an infection.
Sometimes you just get dealt a bum hand, or you fuck up and make things hard for yourself - you just have to keep playing - leave the table and you've just got a boring cab ride home.
Maybe bring some of your closest lieutenants in and tell them that you're feeling close to breaking point and that you need them to take some slack for a while. Be honest an frank with them that you may need to walk (or be carried) away from it if something doesn't change quickly. Make use of the anti-authoritarian aspect of your setup to try and draft in some collective help?
Don't tell them you are close to the breaking point - that will make them question your judgements. But you have to be firm that things need to change.
If lieutenants are subordinates (that part is not clear to me) lay out what needs to be done by who. If they are unwilling or unable to do the assigned tasks then fire them and replace them with people who will do their job. They are your employees not your bffs.
> I'm a founder/director, and have 40 people directly dependent on me keeping going for their livelihoods
Don't think making yourself literally insane is the best way to help those people.
I'll second the recommendation of stopping with the coffee. And seek help. (And no, choices do exist - we are not completely free, but not completely unfree either. You can make your life better.)
Gnawing anxiety, stress and suicidal depression are not normal.
I've been where you are, and I'm really, really concerned. I'm not saying give up work or anything like that, but I'd really urge you to seek out a medical professional if you haven't already. There's a tipping point where things get so bad you won't be able to function, and believe me it's far, far better to get in front of it than to need to get help after that tipping point.
Sorry if I sound preachy, I say this out of genuine concern for your well being :-)
I'm torn on seeking professional help, as while a therapist I saw last year practically begged me to see a psychoanalyst, I demurred, as I know that in the eyes of a practitioner I'd fall into the "risk of harm to self" category (except I don't self harm - apart from my sustained "lifestyle" choices), and being sectioned and chucked in a facility would be a fate worse than death.
A good friend went to the NHS regarding depression about 15 years ago, aged 17. They put her in a facility for 18 months, and gave her a hysterectomy. No way am I going anywhere near that particular hell.
As long as you're functioning (which it seems you are to some sufficient degree), I wouldn't expect drastic measures.
To try another angle, do you have a mentor/supervisor?
If not, maybe look out for some experienced (potentially retired) manager that you trust. There are also professional services in that space.
They may not know your business, but they know the responsibility you feel for keeping things alive.
They might be able to help with the culture shift issue you mentioned elsewhere but also with management in general (including "how to make sure that the company doesn't have a bus factor of 1: me") and self-care - one low key strategy in that regard might be to hold you accountable to certain habits that you agreed on (eg. "eat twice a day").
Just don't have an engineering mindset when talking to them. Certain responses validate this reaction when you probably mean otherwise. Aka, lie because there are legal obligations.
Feynman was deemed mentally unfit for military service when he was quite fine.
I hope you can see that many people are concerned about you. Perhaps that compassion is some comfort?
The rest of my post is some advice, but please feel free to ignore it if it's not wanted.
You say you would consider treatment, but that you have two worries. 1) That they would detain you under section 2) that they would subject you to treatment against your will
1) Detention under section:
There's no chance you'll be detained under section of the mental health act unless you have a definite plan to die by suicide and you intend to act on it soon. And even then it probably wouldn't happen. Currently there just aren't enough beds available, for one thing.
The other reason is that most trusts should have moved to a "crisis resolution and home treatment team" model. These teams provide short term interventions and are specifically designed to keep people out of hospital - we know that hospital in-patient stays tend to make things worse, not better. You would do most of your work with a community treatment team with CRHTT help when needed.
2) Forced treatment:
Mental health treatment is very different today than it was 15 years ago. The Mental Capacity Act came in in 2005, so it wouldn't be possible for them to detain you under section and take out your womb (if you had one) today unless there were very unusual circumstances. Here's a case where a man who lacked capacity in some areas was deemed to have enough capacity to make a medical decision that resulted in his death: https://ukhumanrightsblog.com/2015/10/13/court-of-protection... That's a gruesome case but I hope it shows that forcing treatment only happens under certain circumstances. There are some powers under MCA and MHA to force medication, but those are not common.
Nationally less than 10% of people under secondary specialist MH care ever go inpatient. Something like 92% of people in secondary care get that care in the community - either at their home or by appointment in a clinic. It would be unusual to force someone outside hospital to take treatment. There are community treatment orders, but they tend to be a justice system thing and not a mental health system thing.
If you did decide that treatment would help you might want to look at the various guides to the Mental Health Act. (Mind do one; Rethink do one; the Government does a nice guide too.) Then:-
Make an advanced directive; work out who your "nearest relative"[1] is (and then change that to someone you trust, and make sure that person knows to always say "I object to the section" to the AMHP if anyone does ever talk about detention under section (although that's really unlikely)); then go see someone.
If you think a short form talking therapy would help you should be able to self refer, or you might need to get a referral from your GP to "IAPT" (Improving access to psychological therapies".
If you think you would benefit from long form therapy, well, those waiting lists are very long pretty much everywhere. Some places are maybe 6 weeks for assessment and then 18 weeks to start treatment. Other places are much longer. The sooner you start the referral process the sooner you'll get to see someone. You'd go via your GP, then probably to a gateway team. (Although this process varies across the country).
Or you could just go privately. That could be expensive (£30 to £50 per session is reasonable). But it gives you some more control. You might want to check professional registration - BACP is often recommended. I'd stll recommend the advance directive stuff and the nearest relative stuff.
[1] this is a person defined in law and they have some power, so it's important to have someone that you really trust.
Hey feel free to ping me (phzbox@gmail.com) if you want to talk. My wife is a family doctor and we talk a lot about that stuff. I'm pretty sure I can help you.
You're in a bad place my friend. Go eat something, right now. If you don't have the mental energy to decide, here's a default - get a hamburger and some fries.
Doesn't taste like much (this is a feature here), doesn't induce sickness easily, takes no time to prepare, is very mobile (can be carried around while getting dressed), gives sufficient energy and is easy to eat without appetite. My go-to solution when I need to have food but really don't want to. Plus it stores really well if you use water, so no need to get fresh ingredients.
Perhaps your body is telling you that the foods you previously decided to eat aren't working. Dont listen to the sibling poster to eat a burger and fries, thats non-sense (at least by my standards)
Us Americans (or if you arent American, the same applies to other first world countries) eat too much and they freak out when they hear someone else fasting. Now, your apparent depression does sound worrying to me, but you should be free to fast for a few days without the judgment of others.
But on actually eating something: Are you a fruit person? Try buying a container of raspberries, blueberries or strawberries (or whatever fruit you like) Ideally, also pick up something green (I like steamed broccoli sprinkled with garlic powder) Or have some oatmeal and throw any of those berries and a banana in (perhaps with some seeds/nuts - I quite enjoy hemp seeds in my oatmeal lately)
These foods are delicious to me and provide actual nutrition. Sometimes I fast for an extended period of time (skip a few meals to a couple of days,) but if these foods are lying around I tend to enjoy them greatly.
Also try peaking at the sun during sunrise. Great way to start the day in my anecdotal opinion. (And there is a lot of scientific evidence that sun helps with "blue" moods)
When not having eaten anything due to stress since sunday when it's wednesday, "burgers and fries" seems to be better advice than a flow chart starting with an ambiguous question like "are you a fruit person? then ..., otherwise ..." because the former is trivially actionable (at least in the US): step out of the door, drive to the next burger place, eat.
"trivially actionable" is worth a lot when stress is crushing you.
There's also a difference between a conscious decision to fast for a few days and just not managing to eat for days at a time.
Your advice is great (although I'm personally not so fond of "your body is telling you" interpretations) when basic needs are met and there's room for a bit of cognitive effort.
You'll be a lot healthier, therefore feel a lot better, if you go to the nice grocery store (not the discount store or walmart) and buy the pre-made fancy salads, the ones with meat protein and dressing and all the stuff ready to eat in the plastic box. They're cheap, taste great, incredibly fast, reasonably filling, and keep in the fridge a couple days until they're questionable.
If you're not leaving the house a minimum of every other day you're probably doing something wrong right there. If your commute doesn't go past a nice grocery store, again, a sign you're doin life wrong.
They'll have names like "Asian style cashew chicken salad" or "cobb salad" or whatever. Just open the box, dump the sauce glop on top, shovel down, and you're done.
I must have eaten thousands of those things, no exaggeration, when I was going to school and working two jobs at the same time. I bet they were 75% of my calories around exam week.
The only thing worse than being stressed all the time would be being stressed and fat, or stressed and sick, or all three.
The issue in instances like this is that there are options (your list ends with "or whatever". that's terrible in this situation). You don't want options when you don't have the cognitive capacity to make a decision.
Otherwise things will happen like described up-thread: standing in the kitchen, looking at the cupboard, but not able to decide whether to pick the left or the right coffee mug.
"Get a burger and fries" is about as unambiguous as possible without knowing the context. Sure "go to the artisan organic salad bar across the street and get their salad of the day menu" is the preferable option, but that requires contextual awareness, and less specific tasks are a problem in such situations.
It's a case of "don't make me think" to get a bunch of processes started (in this case: energy intake and getting back the sensation of hunger), not an optimized diet plan.
I have to agree. This guy isn't fasting, he seems to be experiencing a life crisis and hasn't been eating because of it. At this point eating something, even as unhealthy as a burger and fries, is preferable to eating nothing.
Nobody is suggesting this be part of a normal diet, but with what appears to be done pretty dark thoughts and not having eaten for several days it's probably more important that he eats something ASAP.
A really good trick for the food part my partner taught me: in the evening, don't ask "what am I going to have for dinner?" -- that's just too difficult when you're tired and stressed and nothing is appealing.
Instead, ask "what am I going to have for lunch tomorrow?" Having a packed lunch is awesome: it's effortlessly right there when you need it and will make you happier throughout the afternoon. Tomorrow-you will be incredibly grateful to tonight-you. And tonight-you, being the productive chore-monkey, is probably quite happy to make a meal someone else. In the process, if you eat some "leftovers", that's a bonus :-).
You could establish something that is very easy to prepare or order and make it your default meal. Domino's pizza can save your order. You can eat cold pizza. Microwave food, little debbie snack cakes, something.
Have something, one thing, available, and then you've taken the choice out of the equation. Then you just get something, possibly heat it up, and eat it. Presumably the microwave wouldn't be an overwhelming task since the coffee maker isn't.
Not specifically that, but when you realise you are failing at something that should be a practically automatic, natural, easy operation - one example of which is choosing/preparing food - because of the stress.
It is similar to when people suffering from it first notice the onset of dementia: they notice themselves forget things that should be automatic, how to operate a can opener, the name of someone close, and so on.
In both cases there is the scared reaction. Of course sometimes it is an overreaction (you are just being a little forgetful, everyone has that from time to time especially when tired) and you almost instantly pull yourself together. It will have probably happened to you many times before you had the true scared reaction that lasted long enough to make you notice the seriousness of the problem.
It feels like there's a lot missing here. A lot of people, myself included, just don't have the luxury of being able to take the time required to recover from burnout. And if you think being unemployed and depressed for months is an adequate substitute for that recovery period then you're sorely mistaken.
Speaking for myself, I have the added burden of having to deal with a sleep disorder plus several other issues (including ADHD) that exacerbate the problem of burnout significantly. I imagine there are lots of people in similar situations who don't have the ability to recover properly. Sometimes I hate the inhumanity of this industry. In some ways it's great, but in other ways it's just as brutal as working 70 hours a week at a steel mill.
Now, I work a job were I can easily get 8 hours of sleep a night. Sleep isn't everything but, if you can achieve 8 hours then you are headed in the right direction.
What helps me is taking time to listen to music. Not having in the background while doing other things, just sitting down and listening to your favorite album front to back. Finding times to slow down enough to do these things will help.
Also, I find that yoga is great but, don't get competitive with yourself. Actually just folding into childs pose or something else simple and easy to actively rest your body does wonders.
Lastly, we all work in an industry where there are many options, alot of flexability, alot of understanding of people not performing at 100%. Talk to people. So many of us have been there and yet we stay silent because we only see others' success and hide the struggle.
If you need to, change what you are doing. Change jobs, talk to co-founders, talk to your partner about figuring things out. Burn out can kill you.