I'm a developer in SF, and I moved here 2 1/2 years ago on a relocation package from a startup.
Immediately I realized that I would be the only parent in the office (there was one other remote worker with kids) once my wife and I decided to have a child. And sure enough that's what happened. I actually lost my job there (for unrelated reasons) and it was an enormous relief to be out of that culture.
In addition to children, I am religious and have obligations to my church, which were frowned upon (tacitly) by my coworkers. Nobody said anything, but I was the only one leaving work at 3 on Good Friday and 5:30 every Wednesday so I could be at church.
In hindsight I can see what I couldn't see before - the article is right in suggesting that single, young people are unencumbered by obligations. But it misses the point that we choose what obligations to tie ourselves to around the age that most people are starting at these startups - I chose wife, children, church. They're choosing company, work, and technology. It's not that different in principle, but it's a huge behavioral difference.
In my experience, leaving sf and working in the valley proper meant having far more coworkers with families. They tend to be older -- 30s to 40s rather than mid 20s. In turn, they tend to be much better about not fucking around in the office: they come in, work, then leave. Which is a much better cultural fit for me, and it sounds like for you. There's lots of places where working 40-45 hours per week while being productive in the office is part of the culture. Just not in sf.
Notice how there's nothing about family in this article about Reddit's hiring practices. It's pretty much the same at all start-ups, they just want fresh meat to push into the grinder.
> Reddit CEO Ellen Pao "has passed on hiring candidates who don’t embrace her priority of building a gender-balanced and multiracial team"[1]
My experience regarding my religion hasn't been very happy so far too.
Because of my religion, I avoid working from sunset Friday to sunset Saturday (the 7th day Sabbath). I do work if something went bad and people will be blocked because of me, but that's an exception.
I always try to come clear about this with any new team or manager, but I've never had a very understanding response from that. Mostly people will not say anything, but I can tell from their faces they're not happy about my strict non-availability at that time.
My current team has started doing deployments on Saturdays. That was imposed without anyone being consulted on it, which I found very disappointing. I wish religious considerations were taken into account in the workplace, but since so many people in tech are so removed from religious knowledge of any kind, they probably don't even know there are religions where working on a specific day of the week is not allowed.
I wouldn't want to work somewhere that expected me to be on the job between those times unless of course I was contracted to work weekends. I'm not religious in the slightest.
By that standard, love, beauty, great products, and yes, money are all delusions too. So why are you even working? All I see are bits and bytes in a bank's computer system; why do you care so much about them?
I'd hope that we have the empathy to recognize that people should be able to indulge the things that are special to them. That's what celebrating individuality is about, right? As long as they're also productive in the things that matter to us, it harms nobody.
That belief exists only in your head; why should I care about your delusions?
(Sorry I'm giving you a hard time, but I'm trying to make a point that took me a long time to learn but drastically improved my effectiveness as a human being. Things that exist inside other peoples' heads are every bit as real as things that exist in your head. And as far as can be empirically proven, everything exists inside somebody's head. We have this notion of objective reality because it's convenient to have it and it works most of the time - as Peter Norvig says, "All models are wrong, but some are useful." But objective reality itself exists inside our heads, and when - empirically - clinging to reality gets worse outcomes than bending reality to accommodate the people we interact with, why bother?)
I really like your thinking here, however I'd point out that the converse could just as easily be argued as well. That by embracing things like religion, we're actually getting worse outcomes, and therefore we should not do it.
The difference is between collective "we" and individual "we". I believe that I would get a worse outcome by embracing religion, and so I don't. I've always found science to be a much better model of reality (the two are not mutually exclusive, but in my personal belief system, I've always had one but not the other).
But as for "we", as in everyone else? It's not for me to say. I can't make the judgment for someone else that they're better off changing their belief system. I can explain mine, I can offer a different perspective, but it's not like I can reach into their head and twist their thoughts around.
I agree that the individual question is less interesting than the collective, but it was indeed the collective that I was referring to. If we recall context; we're discussing a person who has allowances made for his religious observance, and that process being described by someone else as effectively pandering to his mental illness at an organisational cost.
That is, why should an allowance be made for him to go to church at 3pm, but not for Mitch in sales to go gambling at 3pm? At least gambling offers the potential for a return. By the interpretation under discussion, which is not entirely without merit, religion is just a mental illness that people unfortunately fall into. Why should it be encouraged or facilitated by workplaces or allow for the abrogation of duties which they would otherwise have on the same level as raising a family which is indisputably essential for the continuance of society?
This has been my experience, too. I want to leave early Fridays to get a head start on the commute to Tahoe during ski season, and it's generally not acceptable.
(2 stories down)
Why can't we hire developers? There's a developer shortage! Why do people hit mid 30s and leave sf?
What are slacking engineers doing when I'm not watching them? If I can't supervise them coding, how do I know they aren't fucking off?
edit: No fucking way can you leave early during the week, but if shit goes bust on the weekend, all hands on deck and no comp time. Aren't startups fun?
Good Friday is one day a year, who doesn't take off early at least one day a year for something. It could be a dentist appointment or to pick a vehicle up from a mechanic before they close, or simply to go see a movie. I wouldn't even blink if someone left early for a religious holiday, a fishing trip, or because they just needed to get out of the office. If it's not impacting their work who cares.
(In Canada, Good Friday was a holiday, so I had the day off anyway). And really, who cares if you leave at 3 pm once/year regardless of the reason? It should be a non-issue.
That is how (many of) us foreign atheists look at it. It's self-evidently a social hobby with some funny rules. It gets special treatment because the practitioners of this hobby get significantly more aggressive about it than the people playing collectable card games.
Religion is a social institution, it's connected to culture. Should people not get paid days off if it's in their culture to attend funerals or weddings of family members? Where do you draw the line between hobby and culture?
You should get your paid days off to do whatever you want to do with them. I didn't object to that. If you read the rest of the thread, you'll see that I misunderstood the initial post and thought to OP was simply slipping out early. OP confirmed that it was in fact part of a paid time off allowance; what I would call part of someone's vacation or holiday time.
Where do you draw the line between hobby and culture? They're not exclusive. Something can be both hobby and culture. Just you, on your own, with no interaction with other humans? Hobby. Involves someone else? Both. Can something be culture without being a hobby? Sure. Eating, for example (but if you like eating competitively, and practice your technique and subscribe to "Big Mouth Monthly", its hobby too).
while i understand where you are coming from, religions can not be compared directly to collectable card games because of social impact. i begun to get interested in religions recently (i am, what I would call, atheist) from that standpoint and find many benefits it bring.
Just suggesting not to throw it in one bucket with card games and may be research it more.
I disagree. They can be compared to collectable card games. In this case, you have compared them and you have found in your comparison that many (but by no means all) religions have a bigger social impact than card games.
Immediately I realized that I would be the only parent in the office (there was one other remote worker with kids) once my wife and I decided to have a child. And sure enough that's what happened. I actually lost my job there (for unrelated reasons) and it was an enormous relief to be out of that culture.
In addition to children, I am religious and have obligations to my church, which were frowned upon (tacitly) by my coworkers. Nobody said anything, but I was the only one leaving work at 3 on Good Friday and 5:30 every Wednesday so I could be at church.
In hindsight I can see what I couldn't see before - the article is right in suggesting that single, young people are unencumbered by obligations. But it misses the point that we choose what obligations to tie ourselves to around the age that most people are starting at these startups - I chose wife, children, church. They're choosing company, work, and technology. It's not that different in principle, but it's a huge behavioral difference.