For what this is worth, I cared for both of my parents through the end of their lives and found something interesting and here's how I try to assemble it in my mind. There seems to be a core connection between people that doesn't change over time. For example, when I met several cousins when I was visiting my mother's country when I was six, there were a few that I had a terrific connection with. Turns out that many years later, when in my twenties, I went back and met up with the plethora of cousins I have there, those same ones I connected well with when I was six were the same ones I connected well with as an adult.
How this plays out with someone who has lost a lot of themselves to dementia came into play with my parents when they could no longer recognize me. It took a lot of mind games on my end to think my way around this, but you can still have fun with them. The connection is still there, but you may have to hunt a bit to find it. If they're hallucinating, think of them as being someone who has taken a lot of hallucinogens and play with them, or if they have no time continuity, love them like a beloved pet who won't remember what you're doing in five minutes (or whatever it takes) and find that connection and experience joy together.
"Hey Mum, do you know who I am?"
"Sure I do."
"Okay then, who am I?"
"Ahhh, you got me on that one." [cue laugh track]
[Actually both parents tried to fake their way out of this one.]
The truth is that you can still enjoy each other throughout this time because the connection seems to still be there, even though all of the overlays the mind and personality provides is not. It might be a way for a child who has been having conflicts can reunite, and while there will never be any closure over conflicts, there still might be peace and they might find the love that they missed.
One of the good things that can happen is that old fears can disappear with dementia. Sourpusses become cheerful. Sedentary people start taking walks and their health improves. People lose their obsessions. They'll often remember lyrics.
My heart goes out to you, because there's no way that this can be easy. You can use this opportunity to forge deeper relationships with your siblings and invest in the dynamics of the family in the future. I wish you the very best.
How this plays out with someone who has lost a lot of themselves to dementia came into play with my parents when they could no longer recognize me. It took a lot of mind games on my end to think my way around this, but you can still have fun with them. The connection is still there, but you may have to hunt a bit to find it. If they're hallucinating, think of them as being someone who has taken a lot of hallucinogens and play with them, or if they have no time continuity, love them like a beloved pet who won't remember what you're doing in five minutes (or whatever it takes) and find that connection and experience joy together.
"Hey Mum, do you know who I am?" "Sure I do." "Okay then, who am I?" "Ahhh, you got me on that one." [cue laugh track]
[Actually both parents tried to fake their way out of this one.]
The truth is that you can still enjoy each other throughout this time because the connection seems to still be there, even though all of the overlays the mind and personality provides is not. It might be a way for a child who has been having conflicts can reunite, and while there will never be any closure over conflicts, there still might be peace and they might find the love that they missed.
One of the good things that can happen is that old fears can disappear with dementia. Sourpusses become cheerful. Sedentary people start taking walks and their health improves. People lose their obsessions. They'll often remember lyrics.
My heart goes out to you, because there's no way that this can be easy. You can use this opportunity to forge deeper relationships with your siblings and invest in the dynamics of the family in the future. I wish you the very best.