Probably the only bot that would appeal to women with its preference setting. It's mostly guys using the bots and filtering after the matches.
Love reading the Tinder app reviews: "this thing is broken, been using it for a week and no matches. I ain't that ugly." <- this is almost verbatim. I'm always fancinated by how men and women differ in their usage of a dating app, might as well have two separate UIs. Observing women use Tinder they swipe right around 1 out of 50-100. Just insane differences when compared to guys.
I always thought Tinder could monetize by having auto swipe and an undo option.
This phenomenon is endemic to dating culture in general. It's strange that the large majority of young Western women who have ridiculously fickle preferences, don't have the insight to realize the consequences of their behavior (or even notice the behavior in the first place). It makes the experience bad for 90% of the participants.
Not a bad thought to have separate interfaces by gender, maybe there is something in this idea that could be explored. Although at that point you're sort of codifying shitty gender stereotypes, which might be a transgression that's even worse.
The standard perception is that women are scarce and men are dime-a-dozen. I strongly suspect this might be true even in the gay dating scene (maybe someone qualified might weigh in on this hunch).
Like in many social conventions, this scheme kind-of works as long as you subscribe to it. Men are supposed to be undiscerning, women are supposed to reject people like it's a bodily function. As long as you fall within that schema and pursue your partners in a way that confirms their social expectations, you're fine.
If you don't like that game, however, it's difficult. Thankfully the internet exists, so it should be possible to date like-minded people who don't subscribe to this convention.
I think my comment came across as saying something other than what I intended (-4 at the moment). What I mean by "shitty gender stereotypes" is that, as you say, everyone is expected to conform to this model (guys and women alike). Under this stereotypical model, the pace is dictated by the women, which is why I singled this out - but of course it's a two-way evolution of behavior.
"Kind-of-works as long as you subscribe to it" would be a good interpretation, but I think everyone's opportunities are diminished by this. One thing is finding someone to have sex with or have a relationship of the type that society expects (which probably works well enough on a societal level with stereotypical dating), but finding someone you are really compatible with on a deep level is a different question. My strong suspicion is that there are many lost opportunities in the latter category.
At this point I am incredibly happy with my life partner, but I've previously had many bad experiences with the traditional dating model. Since everyone is complaining and gender norms are the one fixed variable, it stands to reason that this is where the problem is. The LGBT community does not have this problem, which I think is caused by a greater awareness of the roles each person takes. Heteronormative gender roles are problematic, which is evidenced both in complaints about dating and divorce statistics.
> but I think everyone's opportunities are diminished by this
I share your frustration, but I've also become very cynical about this. If people didn't want it this way, they wouldn't do it. It seems to me in my social circle, partners are chosen first and foremost for the function they perform.
"I needed a full-time mother for my children" "I didn't want to be alone anymore" "I felt time was running out" "I wanted a man with more status" "I wanted someone who's more down to earth" "I wanted someone to be there when I get home from work" "I wanted better sex" "I wanted someone who looks up to me". Almost everyone I know can and does distill their relationship into one of those sentences. You might think it's bleak, but people think nothing of it apparently.
So I came to the conclusion that my ideal, to hook up with people who are interesting and whom you can love for who they are, this ideal practically doesn't exist in the wild. And if we're indeed mostly choosing partners for their function, I don't see how any opportunities are diminished by playing arbitrary (and sometimes inhumane) games. I may not like it, I will certainly not participate in it, but it seems to work out for pretty much everyone.
This is only marginally related, but when my cat died, do you know what the most frequent first response of friends and family was? It wasn't "oh, so sorry, I know you loved her very much", or even "so what, it's just a cat", though both ends of the spectrum were certainly present. No, the most common reaction was: "are you getting a new one?"
That's a pretty dark interpretation, and I don't think I can disagree much when we are discussing things on a societal level. Thanks for sharing your thoughts :) I hope you're in a good place, or at the very least that you're on your way towards it. Kudos on high moral standards and a clear vision.
I do think the ideal exists; I have seen many examples. But it's certainly not the most common possibility.
That's funny because my impression is the total opposite. The situation we are in now is the result of the disolution of traditional gender roles. When the norms were to marry young and marry forever, this problem did not exist.
> The standard perception is that women are scarce and men are dime-a-dozen.
> As long as you fall within that schema and pursue your partners in a way that confirms their social expectations, you're fine.
I've never read such nonsense. This is straight out of the loser's playbook. People who think like this don't know their own value.
I know women who complain about not being able to find any proper men, so a decent guy is just as scarce (in Europe too).
If you actually come across as a discerning guy women have way more respect for you. It challenges them because it shows that the usual dynamic isn't in play and their usual tricks won't work. As a result they become more interested because you're different (and probably confident as well since you don't think like a loser who can only get what he's given).
A lot of readers here come from the SF Bay Area, where single men who have their life together are being imported by the boat full, while single women are not. It creates a supply/demand imbalance and it does make dating more work here.
Other places might not have that problem. Dating was definitely more work in SF for me than my hometown.
I keep hearing the stats are switched in NYC and even hear from women (and dating articles) that the roles are switched more often because there are less guys than women.
Don't like the comment about discerning and knowing that their "usual tricks won't work". Don't be with those women, don't be with those those men. If you're looking for an actual partner instead of having a one nighter I would advise not being with people that play these games. If they're playing tricks with this aspect of their life, how are they going to act in more critical situations?
> This phenomenon is endemic to dating culture in general. It's strange that the large majority of young Western women who have ridiculously fickle preferences, don't have the insight to realize the consequences of their behavior (or even notice the behavior in the first place). It makes the experience bad for 90% of the participants.
There are no words.
Let me see if I understand you correctly. The consequence of women, who are too stupid to know better, having dating preferences, is that your Tinder experience isn't optimal. Is that what you're saying?
Love reading the Tinder app reviews: "this thing is broken, been using it for a week and no matches. I ain't that ugly." <- this is almost verbatim. I'm always fancinated by how men and women differ in their usage of a dating app, might as well have two separate UIs. Observing women use Tinder they swipe right around 1 out of 50-100. Just insane differences when compared to guys.
I always thought Tinder could monetize by having auto swipe and an undo option.