I struggled with seeing things through (projects, homework, household tasks) amidst a cacophonous riot of distractions competing for my directionless attention. I thought I was broken. I really did. I did my own research into numerous mental conditions because I actually thought i might have something deeply wrong with me.
Turns out, it's mostly chemical. You have no idea how freeing that was to discover, to lay down those burdens and recognize that I'm just wired differently, and that my unusual wiring can be an amazing advantage if only I could control that one thing: where my attention goes.
First day on Adderall, and I literally felt like a superhero, I got so much shit done. I'm told that neurotypical folks who take Adderall just get revved up.
But if you have ADD, your brain either makes too little dopamine, or the re-uptake of dopamine is revved up. So your brain is constantly and subconsciously seeking the reward of novelty by taking over your normally conscious ability to direct your attention (something most people take for granted).
And Adderall changes that. It gives you the ability that most people have to control where their attention goes, even if the task isn't particularly novel or exciting.
People without it just don't understand how I can say I can't control my attention, it's such an alien concept to them. I can control it, as long as its focused on something exciting and new. Tasks were due "now" or "not now", and "not now" just wasn't very exciting for my brain's wiring. Oh, look, a chicken!
It was literally a life changing decision for me. I never regretted it. Never felt like I was giving in. Never felt like I lost a part of myself to the drugs.
Hell, some days, I still feel like a superhero.
Get a referral if you need one to see a psychiatrist, unless your general physician is well versed in dosage and formulations for the stimulants (there are two major kinds and one may end up being significantly better for your particular wiring). And get your heart checked too - amphetamines and heart rhythm defects don't go together.
That's my rambling (meds wore off a long time ago!) and too-late reply, and I hope you discover it.
Thank you very much for this, it's given me a lot of hope. Your pre-Adderall experience sounds completely identical to my life as it is now.
I've always avoided seeing a doctor about it because of horror stories I've heard about Ritalin and Adderall from friends and strangers. I don't want to become dependent on any sort of drug, or at least not in a way that affects me in the long term or causes serious withdrawal issues. If it actually does the job with tolerable side effects I'd be okay with taking it for the rest of my life.
I'm going to arrange an appointment in the near future.
I struggled with seeing things through (projects, homework, household tasks) amidst a cacophonous riot of distractions competing for my directionless attention. I thought I was broken. I really did. I did my own research into numerous mental conditions because I actually thought i might have something deeply wrong with me.
Turns out, it's mostly chemical. You have no idea how freeing that was to discover, to lay down those burdens and recognize that I'm just wired differently, and that my unusual wiring can be an amazing advantage if only I could control that one thing: where my attention goes.
First day on Adderall, and I literally felt like a superhero, I got so much shit done. I'm told that neurotypical folks who take Adderall just get revved up.
But if you have ADD, your brain either makes too little dopamine, or the re-uptake of dopamine is revved up. So your brain is constantly and subconsciously seeking the reward of novelty by taking over your normally conscious ability to direct your attention (something most people take for granted).
And Adderall changes that. It gives you the ability that most people have to control where their attention goes, even if the task isn't particularly novel or exciting.
People without it just don't understand how I can say I can't control my attention, it's such an alien concept to them. I can control it, as long as its focused on something exciting and new. Tasks were due "now" or "not now", and "not now" just wasn't very exciting for my brain's wiring. Oh, look, a chicken!
It was literally a life changing decision for me. I never regretted it. Never felt like I was giving in. Never felt like I lost a part of myself to the drugs.
Hell, some days, I still feel like a superhero.
Get a referral if you need one to see a psychiatrist, unless your general physician is well versed in dosage and formulations for the stimulants (there are two major kinds and one may end up being significantly better for your particular wiring). And get your heart checked too - amphetamines and heart rhythm defects don't go together.
That's my rambling (meds wore off a long time ago!) and too-late reply, and I hope you discover it.