I'm an active HN poster under a different name, but I'm posting this anonymously. I'm dealing with some situational depression and need advice.
I've been on a gap year from an Ivy League school after having a bad freshman year (I did well academically, but I had social and personal problems that I was dealing with). I took a gap year with the possibility of dropping out.
I've done pretty well over the gap year. I worked at a programming job and also did some contracting, and managed to save about 18k. I was also able to work through some of the future computer science classes by myself (learned C, graphs, trees, and basic algorithms).
The problem is, I come from an Asian family and am dealing with expectations that I return to school (from both friends and family). I don't feel ready to return, and I feel like I'm becoming depressed and anxious again.
I know this seems like a first world problem, but I just need some perspective and advice. I feel like if I drop out, I'll be okay emotionally and health wise. I think I'll be able to continue self teaching (I'm decently smart, scored 2330 on the SAT and did well in multivariable calc freshman year).
Thanks for any advice. I've just been very depressed and unhappy about the prospect of going back to school, and I'm starting to think it's the wrong decision.
Its very unlikely that you are getting depressed at the prospect of going to university. It's more likely that you are suffering from depression, that the prospect of going back to uni is making you anxious, which in turn causes stress and people who are depressed have a very different response to stress than people who are not. Also, think of depression as a hole, and stress like this huge bulldozer that digs into it, and you are always at the bottom of the hole, and it just gets deeper and deeper. Eventually it can get too deep.
People who are not depressed can't understand the way stress feels for someone who is depressed, though.
Depression can have roots in some emotional problems, but it's also common for it to be a purely physical condition, too. I am depressed (it's being treated) and I can't guarantee you whether you are depressed or not (if you are, it sounds like a light/mild cases, which is good I believe), but the way you described your situation makes me think that you might be, and a doctor could definitely help you. If not with the depression, then at least with your anxiety and "social" problems.
The problem with depression is that it just gets worse and worse, and there is no stopping it on your own.
You can also develop depression at any stage in your life.
Disclaimer: I have a very bad case of Major Depressive Disorder, I suspect since I was a kid, which almost ruined my life before a friend made me treat it. So I researched a lot about it, but I'm by no means an expert!