> Working out or wearing a suit or getting a good job or listening to a marriage counselor or acting more assertive are all examples of "changing yourself to suit her/women"
Wrong. Dead wrong. If you do everything to please your wife, you have a serious personality disorder. I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it as a statement of something you might not realize.
I like dressing up because I like dressing up. I've worn a suit around the house on a lark, I wear ties to a n office where T-shirts are the norm. I absolutely do not do it because I'm trying to please or attract women. On the contrary, it probably seems stuffy and uninviting.
I work out because I want to be in good shape, so I can go on cycling trips, and live a longer and healthier life. I don't do it because I want women to stare at my abs (they're coming along, promise).
I saw a counselor while I was in a relationship to work through my issues independently. I ended up leaving my girlfriend, who I still love dearly, because I needed space to work through my own pathologies.
If I act assertive (and I usually don't), it's because I'm confident that I'm right, and I feel something is urgent. I don't push incorrect opinions on people just for the sake of being manlier than the other person. I try to be considerate of everyone's opinion, and make reasoned decisions. I frequently say 'I don't know', and then go and find out.
> According to society women should instead want men who are caring, sensitive listeners
The Ryan Gosling school of thought. Unfortunately, as much as you think you're working against society, you've just described a different caricature: James Bond. There are as many bad boys in movies as good ones, and the bad ones usually get the girl.
The whole premise of your post is that you live your life and define yourself to optimally please/attract women. If you define yourself only in terms of other people's opinions, you likely suffer for poor self-esteem. As much as the blog you linked is funny, it's not helping you work through your issues.
edit:
I forgot about
> Shrug.
You're honestly so afraid of a little introspection that you've resorted to writing out gestures of indifference. Rather than consider your own life and marriage, you're looking for a quick-fix that sounds like a movie ( Grease, specifically, but you're Oliva Newton John).
Saying that the poster has a serious personality disorder is just over the top.
Give it a rest, "game" just means having an interpersonal dynamic that makes conversations and relationships more fun and engaging. It doesn't mean changing who you are, and it doesn't mean that everything you do is for women.
If a guy gets in shape and makes himself more fun and interesting to save his marriage, that's a bad thing?
> If a guy gets in shape and makes himself more fun and interesting to save his marriage, that's a bad thing?
That is not what the linked page describes. Here is one example:
> Just the other night, I called her to let her know I was coming home so she could time dinner to be ready when I got home.
I was dead tired from my martial arts training that day (I was doing full contact kickboxing training, very rigorous)…and I stopped at my friends house at around 5:00pm to drop something off that I had borrowed from them and have a quick drink before heading home.
After one drink, I lay down on my friend’s couch for a moment…and the next thing I know, it’s 2:30am in the morning.
I drove home, and got into bed. I thought she was asleep…but she promptly said in a real bitchy tone “Where you having fun tonight?!?!”
I simply said “I fell asleep on _____’s couch. I’m tired, good night, dear.”
And promptly rolled over and went to sleep. I don’t even remember what she said to me in response.
If you call someone (wife, partner, friend) and tell them you are on your way home at 5:00 PM knowing that they will begin cooking dinner and don't show up until 2:30 AM then not apologizing doesn't make you "alpha", it makes you a shit head.
Gaming doesnt have to mean you do everything for women. It's his language that suggests he's only motivated to improve himself because he isn't good enough for his wife/women in general.
Someone else already explained why "gaming" sounds like code for being an ass.
The whole premise of your post...little
introspection...serious personality disorder
Hate to point this out, but by your own admission, you're the one without the girlfriend and with pathologies. Maybe that sensitive guy shtick ain't working so good. I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it as a statement of something you might not realize.
Anyway, it's not your whole life, but if & when you want to attract women you are going to put in effort. That effort should be effective; game is about what works. Go ahead though and be a sensitive and non-assertive man who sees counselors and isn't interested in manliness etcetera, no one is stopping you. Or run the experiment, try heartiste.wordpress.com's 16 commandments for three months, and see what happens. We'll be rooting for you.
> you're the one without the girlfriend and with pathologies
If I was trying to have a girlfriend, I would have stayed with my girlfriend. Once again, you're a man who defines his whole life in terms of women. Have you ever been single for a significant length of time, or did you fall in love with the first girl you saw and get 'married young'?
> if & when you want to attract women you are going to put in effort
Nope. If I have to jump through hoops to get a woman to notice me, I'm going to spend my whole life jumping through more hoops to get her to keep noticing me. Instead, I do things I enjoy, and I meet people. Some of them are men, some of them are women, and I treat them the same way. If I get to know a woman, and she's interesting/funny/attractive, I ask her out. Period. No games, no fucking around spraying myself with cologne and putting her down to increase my chances.
> That effort should be effective; game is about what works
I don't really understand 'effective', nor the three month promise. What'll happen in three months? Some women who are superficially attractive will be interested in me? Will I have to pretend to be interested in them because we have no common interests or basis for a real connection? No thanks.
> I don't mean that in a bad way
Yes, you absolutely do. The difference between calling my personality a shtick, and me recommending a counselor is miles. When I say 'I don't mean that in a bad way', it's because I'm against the stigmatization of mental illness. Everyone has some baggage that talking to a professional would help them unload, and the world would be happier for it. From the description of your relationship it sounds like you're used to passive aggressive people, I'd like to offer this for your consideration - not everyone interacts like that. Some of us just say what we're thinking, plainly and clearly.
Wrong. Dead wrong. If you do everything to please your wife, you have a serious personality disorder. I don't mean that in a bad way, I mean it as a statement of something you might not realize.
I like dressing up because I like dressing up. I've worn a suit around the house on a lark, I wear ties to a n office where T-shirts are the norm. I absolutely do not do it because I'm trying to please or attract women. On the contrary, it probably seems stuffy and uninviting.
I work out because I want to be in good shape, so I can go on cycling trips, and live a longer and healthier life. I don't do it because I want women to stare at my abs (they're coming along, promise).
I saw a counselor while I was in a relationship to work through my issues independently. I ended up leaving my girlfriend, who I still love dearly, because I needed space to work through my own pathologies.
If I act assertive (and I usually don't), it's because I'm confident that I'm right, and I feel something is urgent. I don't push incorrect opinions on people just for the sake of being manlier than the other person. I try to be considerate of everyone's opinion, and make reasoned decisions. I frequently say 'I don't know', and then go and find out.
> According to society women should instead want men who are caring, sensitive listeners
The Ryan Gosling school of thought. Unfortunately, as much as you think you're working against society, you've just described a different caricature: James Bond. There are as many bad boys in movies as good ones, and the bad ones usually get the girl.
The whole premise of your post is that you live your life and define yourself to optimally please/attract women. If you define yourself only in terms of other people's opinions, you likely suffer for poor self-esteem. As much as the blog you linked is funny, it's not helping you work through your issues.
edit:
I forgot about
> Shrug.
You're honestly so afraid of a little introspection that you've resorted to writing out gestures of indifference. Rather than consider your own life and marriage, you're looking for a quick-fix that sounds like a movie ( Grease, specifically, but you're Oliva Newton John).