Sorry, I was begging the question and think that’s a bit too private for a public forum.
In general terms my inside pretty much knew that I was neurotypical on quite a few dimensions, but I kept on trying to fit in a normal frame for 40+ years. Accepting these dimensions for what they are (roll the D100) and sharing them to a different degrees in different circumstances (private, social, work) helps me a lot. Turns out friends know you better than you think and that talking about things leads to mutual understanding! While I was long ashamed of being different (to a degree).
An example … I am more “German” than a German. Show me a rule and it ‘fuses’ into my brain. So things like rules and fairness are not for me as they are to most people. This, so I am told, is pretty typical for some people, while most people will literally roll their eyes when I reason mathematically from rules. I think rolling your eyes is not polite and not taking the substance seriously and you can understand how it might go from there. This is also highly hereditary behavior.
In general terms my inside pretty much knew that I was neurotypical on quite a few dimensions, but I kept on trying to fit in a normal frame for 40+ years. Accepting these dimensions for what they are (roll the D100) and sharing them to a different degrees in different circumstances (private, social, work) helps me a lot. Turns out friends know you better than you think and that talking about things leads to mutual understanding! While I was long ashamed of being different (to a degree).
An example … I am more “German” than a German. Show me a rule and it ‘fuses’ into my brain. So things like rules and fairness are not for me as they are to most people. This, so I am told, is pretty typical for some people, while most people will literally roll their eyes when I reason mathematically from rules. I think rolling your eyes is not polite and not taking the substance seriously and you can understand how it might go from there. This is also highly hereditary behavior.