It's a bit vindicating seeing the volume of responses to this. It's possible this is a biased sample and not representative of the majority, but it's nice to know I'm not alone and at least 1 other has experienced exactly what I have.
I was always made to feel fundamentally broken, and I wondered if I was really that terrible. I had no clue why I was treated with such malice and made to feel so unwanted.
Adding my story to the hat - graduated in 2022, naively thinking the world was eager for new contributors, and having finished my degree, I could start working on interesting real-world problems right away. Instead, I got nowhere and spiraled into the most severe self-doubt, worthlessness, and depression in my 20-something years of life.
I had the opportunity to learn and contribute through volunteering, joining my first organization in 2023. Used to be a full-time thing, even what one may consider overtime. Now, I'm kinda spread thin with projects, and also done everything important to where the projects are in maintenance mode.
But finally having that proof - that I could learn, contribute, and do well. I think it was life-changing. Yet judgement and imposter syndrome still hits like - "well, you didn't get paid, so it doesn't mean anything. That's not real work experience." Heard that's basically what someone said about my CV.
Did a smaller project across 3 months, then joined a third org in 2024. Obviously, not pulling 40+ volunteer hours a week anymore, but I still do what I can. Big progress through small changes, doing more in less time, and all that.
I got to work on these projects, learn a few lessons, and I can now bring my ideas to life using what I know. It's relieving to have some control over my endeavors finally. I don't really need a tech job anymore, because I've gained the insight I once thought I could only get from having one.
Technically, I'm employed, but it's on the retail floor. Though I was unemployed for 27 months beforehand, over 3 years without starting what I once thought would be my career. And I'm about to be on the search again.
I think more physical jobs are catching my interest. I'm just focused on seeking novel experiences and further knowledge to broaden my horizons.
It's easy see from your articulation, your conveying thoughts across a long arc you are the real deal. Just from reading your writing I'd put you high on my list.
Keep your head up! What you’re up against isn’t a reflection of your worth but the state of things right now. That doesn't make the situation any better but it does mean it’s not a judgment against you and hopefully knowing that makes it easier to keep your head up high!
Thank you! Admittedly, I often worry my writing comes off as self-centered, rambling, or pedantic... but eh. Perhaps it's better to try than not. I'm sure time will resolve all, in one way or another...
I was always made to feel fundamentally broken, and I wondered if I was really that terrible. I had no clue why I was treated with such malice and made to feel so unwanted.
Adding my story to the hat - graduated in 2022, naively thinking the world was eager for new contributors, and having finished my degree, I could start working on interesting real-world problems right away. Instead, I got nowhere and spiraled into the most severe self-doubt, worthlessness, and depression in my 20-something years of life.
I had the opportunity to learn and contribute through volunteering, joining my first organization in 2023. Used to be a full-time thing, even what one may consider overtime. Now, I'm kinda spread thin with projects, and also done everything important to where the projects are in maintenance mode.
But finally having that proof - that I could learn, contribute, and do well. I think it was life-changing. Yet judgement and imposter syndrome still hits like - "well, you didn't get paid, so it doesn't mean anything. That's not real work experience." Heard that's basically what someone said about my CV.
Did a smaller project across 3 months, then joined a third org in 2024. Obviously, not pulling 40+ volunteer hours a week anymore, but I still do what I can. Big progress through small changes, doing more in less time, and all that.
I got to work on these projects, learn a few lessons, and I can now bring my ideas to life using what I know. It's relieving to have some control over my endeavors finally. I don't really need a tech job anymore, because I've gained the insight I once thought I could only get from having one.
Technically, I'm employed, but it's on the retail floor. Though I was unemployed for 27 months beforehand, over 3 years without starting what I once thought would be my career. And I'm about to be on the search again.
I think more physical jobs are catching my interest. I'm just focused on seeking novel experiences and further knowledge to broaden my horizons.