If you've had a look through even a handful of these patents people are getting sued for millions over, they're basically the equivalent of the long-form novel.
You could probably patent the idea of a "long click" meaning a particular type of action. Then you could go about suing someone that came up with the same idea independently.
> If you've had a look through even a handful of these patents people are getting sued for millions over, they're basically the equivalent of the long-form novel.
No. They're not. You say this because you, like everyone else, don't understand what the claims say. That's likely because they're written in legalese, and you're just trying your best to give those terms their plain English meaning. You can't do that. Many of them are terms of art, with very precise definitions crafted by the courts. As such, you have to look to various court opinions concerning claim construction (i.e., context) to understand their meaning.
You may disagree with that on principle, because everyone should be able to understand the subject matter taken removed from the public domain as a matter of law, and I'm somewhat inclined to agree. However, nothing precludes you from gaining such an understanding: there are many books written on patent law, and it's not too incredibly complex.
You could probably patent the idea of a "long click" meaning a particular type of action. Then you could go about suing someone that came up with the same idea independently.