> It's a sad truism that as a man, reaching out to people rarely works and is more likely to result in further isolation.
In my experience, the only men I've gotten any kind of positive support from are men with daughters. Not all men with daughters, of course. The rest just minimize my feelings, give bad advice that doesn't work for my situation, blame me for having stupid feelings, or just shut down and change the subject. So I tend to only reach out to other women for support. And when a man reaches out to me for support, I'm gonna try to help him, but if he hasn't been there for me when I tried to lean on him? That's free lunch, and I have a limited budget.
It's a chicken-and-egg problem. You guys need to learn how to listen. Do that, and there will be more support available when you need it.
So I'll add one to your try-next-time list: go out and help people. Volunteer in a soup kitchen or something. I do tend to wallow a bit when I'm depressed, and doing something selfless breaks me out of that mindset for at least the duration of the act.
In my experience, the only men I've gotten any kind of positive support from are men with daughters. Not all men with daughters, of course. The rest just minimize my feelings, give bad advice that doesn't work for my situation, blame me for having stupid feelings, or just shut down and change the subject. So I tend to only reach out to other women for support. And when a man reaches out to me for support, I'm gonna try to help him, but if he hasn't been there for me when I tried to lean on him? That's free lunch, and I have a limited budget.
It's a chicken-and-egg problem. You guys need to learn how to listen. Do that, and there will be more support available when you need it.
So I'll add one to your try-next-time list: go out and help people. Volunteer in a soup kitchen or something. I do tend to wallow a bit when I'm depressed, and doing something selfless breaks me out of that mindset for at least the duration of the act.