It's certainly possible to get dates without paying. But the difference between paying and not paying is pretty huge on apps like Bumble and Hinge (for men at least). For me, it was a difference between a few matches a week and multiple matches a day.
Profile wise you are right, this is part of what makes a guy "10/10" or not (which might not match 10/10 in real life). For me, I am a divorced dad in my 40s with kids. That causes a lot of women to swipe left and there isn't much I can do about it, unless I lie.
I think in general on dating apps, women are way choosier, men are less choosier, and this leads to a feedback cycle. Women have too much choice so they swipe left more, and men feel they have little choice so they swipe right more.
If you pay the app, it artifically boosts your match rate constantly so you still get shown to lots of women regardless of swipe rate. This gives most guys a much better chance of finding the right woman for them.
Contradicting myself though, the woman I'm dating now matched me OkCupid (where I was experimenting with a long form profile), and I didn't pay anything for that - but it was kind of luck I think.
Bottom line is it comes down to a number game with OLD. The more people who see your profile across apps, the more chances you have. Paying is a cheat code in that respect and improves odds.
>For me, I am a divorced dad in my 40s with kids. That causes a lot of women to swipe left and there isn't much I can do about it, unless I lie.
You can change your profile to leave this critical info out. This will probably net you far more dates. However, they'll probably be one-and-done dates because most women will be annoyed that you hid this info from them until meeting, so I don't recommend it (besides the concept that honesty is the best policy).
But I don't think this is something you should blame on dating apps at all. Your situation is what it is. If someone doesn't want to date a person with kids, that's their preference and that just makes them an unsuitable partner for you.
However, it might be possible to get a few more matches by having a great profile/photos, so that some women on the edge might be swayed to swipe right despite the kids.
>Bottom line is it comes down to a number game with OLD.
I absolutely agree. The more dates you go on, the more time you spend on it all, the more likely you'll find someone who wants a relationship with you (and you with them). Sitting around and posting on HN about how no one wants to date you is not a recipe for dating success, but that seems to be the approach many men here have.
Profile wise you are right, this is part of what makes a guy "10/10" or not (which might not match 10/10 in real life). For me, I am a divorced dad in my 40s with kids. That causes a lot of women to swipe left and there isn't much I can do about it, unless I lie.
I think in general on dating apps, women are way choosier, men are less choosier, and this leads to a feedback cycle. Women have too much choice so they swipe left more, and men feel they have little choice so they swipe right more.
If you pay the app, it artifically boosts your match rate constantly so you still get shown to lots of women regardless of swipe rate. This gives most guys a much better chance of finding the right woman for them.
Contradicting myself though, the woman I'm dating now matched me OkCupid (where I was experimenting with a long form profile), and I didn't pay anything for that - but it was kind of luck I think.
Bottom line is it comes down to a number game with OLD. The more people who see your profile across apps, the more chances you have. Paying is a cheat code in that respect and improves odds.