I don't doubt that the author's car is every bit as frustrating as described, but not all new cars are like that.
I got a new bmw last year, and before I left the lot, some 20 yo "genius" from the dealership sat down with me and went through every menu in the infotainment to set it up how I wanted and turn off all the annoying driver assistance features. that took the better part of an hour, and to be honest, a slight twinge of buyer's remorse began to set in.
but since then, I haven't changed a thing (okay, I've changed the thermostat about once per season). I'm exactly the kind of person who loves to hate on this kind of thing, but I can't. the car behaves exactly how I want, and it's a lovely way to cruise around town, eat up miles on the freeway, occasionally tear up backroads, etc. the one minor frustration is that I can't permanently turn off the engine auto stop/start, but I'm guessing bmw's hands are tied on that one.
You're describing a luxury car maker that understands its customers get pissed off very easily and don't like being told what to do. Even the chimes in a BMW/Mercedes are quite pleasant compared to the ear-ringing DING DING DING you get on affordable passenger cars like Toyotas.
I rented a Toyota corolla cross a while back and it wouldn't even allow us (in my case my passenger) operate the touch screen while moving. I had to physically stop the car so my passenger could program in a new map location! What happens if you're on the highway and can't stop?! We found the way to circumvent this way to use the phone to operate Carplay instead. But it still made my blood boil being locked out of such critical functionality because the car thinks it knows whats safer in the situation than I do.
Want to reverse? DING DING DING DING endlessly.
And every single time we parked the car and i opened the drivers side door DING DING DING DING endlessly for the crime of turning off the engine until the door was closed. Every time I got out of the car I was pissed off from the sensory assault.
Despite the great gas mileage and great hybrid tech, it was unbelievable how annoying that Toyota was. Going back to my BMW felt like going from a noisy flea market to a quiet luxury hotel that doesn't judge you and let's you live your life.
> Even the chimes in a BMW/Mercedes are quite pleasant compared to the ear-ringing DING DING DING you get on affordable passenger cars like Toyotas.
Fun fact: many BMWs also have Rolls Royce chimes on their ECUs because of the shared parts, and they're one hidden setting change away from being enabled
Inreresting, my '21 Toyota does not lock me out of using the screen. But anyway I've learned it's much faster to engage with Android Auto or Car Play via voice. My steering wheel has a button that makes the car "listen" and then I simply say android assistant-like commands eg "navigate to ____" "send message to _____" "gas stations along my route" "Play Wheels on the Bus" etc.
The last time I was on a business trip to Germany I had ordered a small econobox, but when I got to the airport I was "upgraded" (of course they didn't have the car I'd actually reserved) to some huge M-series, "luxury" SUV the size of Belgium.
I really don't get BMW. You're in Germany. You are going to drive on the Autobahn. It is likely you will spend most of your time going somewhere between 130km/h and 200+ on the Autobahn. Occasionally there is work done on the Autobahn. Then why the hell does BMW make driver's aids that needlessly create dangerous situations when it encounters double road markings? It's not like they are uncommon in Germany.
I wasn't aware that the driver's aids were even on. And suddenly the shitbox decides we had better follow the markings that lead into the guardrail so I have to yank the suicidal, teutonic, plastic battle tank off its intercept course and point it back on the open road ahead.
> t is likely you will spend most of your time going somewhere between 130km/h and 200+ on the Autobahn.
Overwhelming majority of cars on Autobahn is driving 130 and lower on unlimited sections. The speed limit on other sections is 120 or lower - they have signs everywhere.
The 200km/h use case is not what drivers in Germany do majority of the time.
I don't think there is a regulatory requirement to keep it enabled. I have a fresh one ('23) and it remembers my last selection. The previous one I had to code to force it remember my preference. If it is that annoying consider coding - it got ridiculously easy to do.
It's to do with the EPA rating. If the car maker allows auto start/stop to be turned off permanently then the ratings agency will test the car again with it turned off then combine the two results into their score. Having a slightly worse EPA mileage across their fleets is probably bad for sales and pleasing governments
There are tools for BMWs (and Minis) that allow to override some settings and enable some features that are not offered on a specific market. You will need a ~$20 OBD cable and an app to code your changes. For instance, BimmerCode [1] has samples of what could be changed on their website.
I stopped reading the article about 4 headings in because neither my new 2023 car nor my partner's nearly decade-old car (still new enough to have a keyless ignition) suffer from these problems (or the complaints are just silly and I don't agree with them).
- The doors re-lock after a remote unlock if you don't actually use the doors, but most cars with smart keys these days simply open without you needing to use the remote at all anyway (handy if you're wrangling groceries or children as the OP mentions), and the timeout is obviously less about being chased by thieves and more about keeping an accidental remote press from leaving the car unlocked indefinitely.
- The slow closing action of a powered hatch is a fairly obvious safety decision (still fast enough in my experience to justify the tradeoff of having it open for you).
> but most cars with smart keys these days simply open without you needing to use the remote at all anyway
Friends new car supposedly has this feature but yet 9 times out of 10 we stand around the car for 10 seconds clicking the handles until frustration causes the fob to come out.
Yeah the quality definitely seems to vary by manufacturer.
My wife's vehicle would work about half the time, only after a delay. More annoyingly, the fob only seemed to work like 1/10 of the time. Dealer replaced some sensors, swapped things around, did all sorts of stuff... never worked quite right.
My car has never _not_ opened. It responds immediately every single time. I stick my hand in and it's unlocked before I can pull the handle. I've not had to think about unlocking my doors in more than half a decade to the point where if I do stick my hand in and it doesn't open, my immediate thoughts are "do I actually have the key? is the car's battery flat?".
Replaced my wife's vehicle with the same brand as mine, works flawlessly and consistently now.
I got a new bmw last year, and before I left the lot, some 20 yo "genius" from the dealership sat down with me and went through every menu in the infotainment to set it up how I wanted and turn off all the annoying driver assistance features. that took the better part of an hour, and to be honest, a slight twinge of buyer's remorse began to set in.
but since then, I haven't changed a thing (okay, I've changed the thermostat about once per season). I'm exactly the kind of person who loves to hate on this kind of thing, but I can't. the car behaves exactly how I want, and it's a lovely way to cruise around town, eat up miles on the freeway, occasionally tear up backroads, etc. the one minor frustration is that I can't permanently turn off the engine auto stop/start, but I'm guessing bmw's hands are tied on that one.