This is not a self-pity post or imposter syndrome or anything like that. In fact, I get hit with the Dunning-Kruger effect quite frequently, always overestimating my abilities.
After a long, torturous and detailed recalling of my past, I have concluded without a doubt that I am exceptionally stupid, in decision-making, cognition, learning and functioning. Despite being decently privileged with parents encouraging a growth mindset and a focus on learning and hard work, I have been unable to accomplish or make any significant progress with any of my goals despite having all the resources for it. It appears that I am still a child from more than a decade ago who hasn't learnt anything from my experiences and mistakes.
I (suffer?) from forgetfulness, inaction, delusional years-long procrastination, inability to be consistent, slow thinking, wrong decisions, inability to learn from my mistakes, inability to self-regulate and what not. I have tested for any physiological deficiencies like blood tests which all appear normal. I also have an adequate, balance diet. These problems have existed even when I had an active lifestyle so exercise is not the solution imo.
It's like if a truck is racing towards me and despite knowing it will run over and kill me, I am either unable to move, procrastinating about moving thinking I can do it later, moving a few inches and then stopping or even forgetting that the truck is about to end me. And this is despite the truck has already run over me many times causing me great damage.
From a very objective, cold perspective, people like me are better off not existing but I would prefer not to take that step if there is a remedy for my malady. HN is probably the only place where I can receive some constructive advice and help on what I can do to eliminate or at least mitigate my vacuousness and stupidity. If you know of any solutions, no matter how controversial, please let me know. I need all the help I can get.
You're definitely not "stupid" stupid. I dont know you, but I know stupid people. Not one of them was this self-reflecting. And I don't mean that you're right about yourself --- only that you are willing to be reflecting on yourself.
In any case, may I ask you what exactly you're expecting to get out of being smart? In my personal, academic & professional circle I'm usually regarded as "the smart guy" for reasons that I would definitely not classify myself as smart. I consider myself a fast learner, but with an absolutely garbage memory and an attention span of about 20 seconds. Not exactly traits that I would describe Einstein with. In any case, I'm writing this to say: I have never felt like this gave me any joy or reason to live? I enjoy what I enjoy and that's pretty sweet deal; sweet enough to ride it out. The only thing that makes me anxious is that my time is running out and there is so much shit I want to start, and then pause, and then procastinate, and then deep dive into again, and then stop, and then repeat. And my intelligence level really plays a very minor role in those things.
In other words: If you were smarter, how would you enjoy life more? Would you do other things? Would your outlook on things that you are doing be so different, that you would enjoy them more?