What I found out in my discovery of Complex PTSD is the concept of the emotional flashback. That is, an event or situation triggers distant memories, and we relive it through emotions rather than conscious thought. This explains preverbal childhood traumas, and repeated traumas that do not resolve to a single memory or experience. They built up over time and they consistently elicited in us negative emotions and the associated physiological discomfort. It gets to a point where it becomes irrational, that we are afraid of our own shadows because it is so uncomfortable for us to relive traumas and re-experience emotions, but they are nonverbal, nonvisual, and nonspecific, so we weren't sure why we were being triggered in the first place.
I have missing memories. I can remember significant events in my childhood and they are mostly traumatic. Sometimes, I have attempted to explore the good times and find pleasurable memories. They are there, but they're overwhelmed by the ones that wounded me. Sometimes I'm told about my past by a third party, often by my primary abuser, who has an outstanding memory. I think that soon I should try to explore those good memories again. I wish I had a therapist to guide me.
I have missing memories. I can remember significant events in my childhood and they are mostly traumatic. Sometimes, I have attempted to explore the good times and find pleasurable memories. They are there, but they're overwhelmed by the ones that wounded me. Sometimes I'm told about my past by a third party, often by my primary abuser, who has an outstanding memory. I think that soon I should try to explore those good memories again. I wish I had a therapist to guide me.