Good point. Severe stress and depression can cause a number of symptoms normally presented by ADHD, OCD, etc. While I was young my severe depression and stress came from living in an abusive household under an ex-boxer Catholic deacon and his narcissistic, control-freak wife.
Always told myself things would get better once I got out of the situation; instead I found out the worst symptoms of my mental disorders were simply being masked by external factors.
I recently broke down for an entire day after a judgemental encounter with someone, and learned about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, that I have had it for my entire life and that almost all ADHD sufferers experience it at least once. Just learning about it really helped change my perspective and gave me a way to move forward.
Having had multiple run-ins with narcissists over the years, including my mom, I've had a habit of letting myself get harmed and being trapped by guilt or some misplaced loyalty. Now I know the (at least in part) the source of this habit and can change it.
Not sure if this is related, but interestingly enough too, I’m wondering if RSD is actually a PTSD trauma reaction triggered by the rejection.
If someone was neglected or attacked by a caregiver when they approached them for help, especially if it was infrequent, and repeatedly told they weren’t allowed to feel bad about it/it wasn’t happening/if it was happening it was all their fault, and suffered significant distress because of it - how else would it present?
Especially if it was at an age where they couldn’t process or verbalize what was going on, and the parent was one they couldn’t reject themselves (because they needed them or they’d be orphans or whatever).
If RSD is really due to emotional neglect/rejection based Complex PTSD underlying the whole thing. It would make a lot of sense.
Hmm. I experienced this. As a child, I chewed on my shirt. No one could figure out why. From kindergarten to maybe 4th grade, it was a problem. My guardians' response was to collude with the school administrations and instruct teachers to call me out in class and belittle me if they saw me chewing on my shirt, and to send me to the principal's office. Then I would get beaten/punished at home. This happened with regularity. A lot of shame and punishment.
At the time, I had undiagnosed OCD. And, it turns out, the medicine which I was being given against my will for an ADHD diagnosis I received at age 5, was causing me to experience dry mouth, which made me instinctually suck on the buttons and corners of my shirt. Mystery solved. But two therapists and years of punishment didn't figure that out. I did, in my adulthood.
I had the same experience with uncontrollable, hour-long bouts of laughter which would end in vomiting and extreme stomach pain. Punished for them, told I was just trying to get attention. Turns out that was an expression of OCD. And dozens of other things not worth mentioning. The older I got, the more I came to appreciate the level of misunderstandings about my issues which led to even more violence inflicted upon me.
So that is a possible avenue of explanation for why RSD and ADHD seem to be correlated. After speaking with some friends who have borderline disorder (I don't have this, but I do have bipolar disorder type II) it seems to be something they have experienced as well. And a great deal of BPD cases involve trauma.
There is little doubt that something chemical is taking place given that specific gene mutations seem to cause these disorders, or at least predispositions to them. I'm sure that there is a correlation between RSD and the dopamine reuptake issues which characterize ADHD. But the feedback systems in nature vs nurture mean that these disorders can cause problems which themselves exacerbate the disorders or cause new symptoms to present.
This is a fascinating discussion. I have ADHD and have experienced RSD to an extreme level my whole life. I think the RSD has been more deblilitating than the ADHD, honestly. Up 'til now I just figured I was particularly sensitive, but hadn't considered it was amplified/caused by my emotionally neglectful mother.
One of the worst things about emotional neglect is it's a positive feedback mechanism.
You are never taught how to properly tend to the emotions of both yourself and others, so unless you pair with an emotionally well-adjusted partner, you will lack the emotional knowledge required to teach your children better. And what's worse, your brain will relapse into the habits it does have experience, which may often be negative.
Additionally, most (actually) emotionally well adjusted partners want no part of that kind of deal (at face value) for very real and legitimate reasons, so the partners that do end up matching up will often be those who are either lying to themselves (neglect) or others (abuse) about their own emotional state or their own plans.
And boom, we have the wheel and the multigenerational cycle of abuse.
> I recently broke down for an entire day after a judgemental encounter with someone, and learned about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria
Highly recommend to be radically honest and natural about everything. Every time you get a piece of info about yourself aka natural feedback will immediately enlighten you and help you expand your perspective and move forward.
It's a bit counter-intuitive because so many of us are taught to hold thoughts, words and actions back, but once I stopped doing that, things started to improve massively.
I watched non-ADHD people attempt the same but none of them evolved (my sample is small, 40+ people, I don't have notes on all of them). So far, the only difference I could find, was ADHD-pattern-recognition + that weird ADHD-Naïvité <3
Be very careful with this around folks with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Anything you say can and will be used against you to maximum destructive effect. Including them actively triggering the states that cause you to be confused and dysphoric anytime you seem to be starting to figure it out or get away.
And they will often actively lie to you or manipulate you if they know you’ll take what they say seriously and uncritically. There are many, many ways to do this.
Many ADHD folks are people pleasers, and NPD folks will actively use those people’s tendencies to destroy them and grin while doing it. I’ve seen it, it’s deeply disturbing.
Open and honest communication is great, with those capable of the same. Doing it with someone who is pathological is a recipe for disaster.
It’s possible to survive, but not until they’ve been fed through the meat grinder a few times and potentially after suffering more pain than you can possibly imagine.
Sounds like you've been through the ringer yourself. I learned very early not to trust or be honest with authority figures.
Linking the people-pleasing to RSD and thus ADHD recently was a massive eye-opener. And the connection between people-pleasing and cutting people off as two sides of the same emotional spectrum.
Yes. I've personally learned it's not just authority figures though. I've had friends and lovers do it too. Identifying what I’m doing to trigger it helps. Trauma bonding is for all kinds of relationships [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding], and folks with traumatic pasts do it pretty naturally sometimes.
Being overly honest to someone who is actually a problem is one of the common behaviors, as is forgetting some/all of their actual problematic behavior when they 'get better' so as to preserve the important seeming relationship.
"However, later on, repeated instances of abuse and maltreatment generate a cognitive shift in the victim's mind: that preventing the abuse is in their power. By the time the inescapability of the abuse becomes apparent, the emotional trauma bond is already strong.[12]"
Specifically, I'm wondering if this particular trait is actually a conditioned response (look up trauma bonding) to narcissistic abuse.
Being fully authentic and honest (regardless of the circumstances) is essentially narcissist bait. And it works. It's giving up power to an external authority (in many ways), because it's saying 'here are all my cards, do with them as you will'.
It also works well when not in a predatory environment.
But 'normal' folks don't do this except in very specific, highly trusting environments, most likely because they know the consequences if they do it otherwise. And very few environments are actually not predatory (as in, have no portion of real or hidden predators).
And at the beginning, narcissists WILL make things better when they have someone like that around. They got their supply, and the love bombing, extreme gratitude, etc. will all help make EVERYTHING feel amazing. At a job, they may get promoted (but not too high), or get raises (but not enough for them to not need the job or be a threat), etc.
However, at some point dysregulation of one or both parties starts to happen (or one or both parties starts getting bored), and then that gets turned around and the shit starts, and then any authenticity or honesty gets used against the target while the NPD person denies all responsibility, DARVO's, etc.
Always told myself things would get better once I got out of the situation; instead I found out the worst symptoms of my mental disorders were simply being masked by external factors.
I recently broke down for an entire day after a judgemental encounter with someone, and learned about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, that I have had it for my entire life and that almost all ADHD sufferers experience it at least once. Just learning about it really helped change my perspective and gave me a way to move forward.
Having had multiple run-ins with narcissists over the years, including my mom, I've had a habit of letting myself get harmed and being trapped by guilt or some misplaced loyalty. Now I know the (at least in part) the source of this habit and can change it.
https://www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-an...