On: Never waste a midlife crisis

[morsch]

People drawn to fighting fires are stereotypically brave, but they are also stereotypically arsonists themselves. The worst people to call when you notice a fire is the fire brigade. They'll just spread more fire! Evidence: they're admitting to burning undergrowth to stop wildfires. "Fighting fire with fire", these people are nuts!

Plus - firefighters: stereotypically buff and desirable. You'll lose your house and your partner.

The right person to call is a poet. Not otherwise associated with fire, handles a lot of paper. They hate fire!

[defrost → morsch]

Admirable take, but one with mixed and uncertain results;

    I am ashes where once I was fire,
     And the bard in my bosom is dead

To The Countess of Blessington

~ Mad, bad, & dangerous aka George Gordon, Lord Byron

[TeMPOraL → defrost]

You have to do your own due diligence here. Prefer poets whose words flow like a stream; avoid those known to set the hearts of their readers ablaze.

[ctrlp → morsch]

You're more right than you think (and less funny). As in many cases, the right person to call in the case of mental distress is a poet.