The way out of this is to make it acceptable to send emails that open with a polite greeting and then just outline their message in bullet points. As long as they're intelligible and not outright rude, emails really don't need to be a writing contest.
llm: emits excessively lengthy and polite prose
smtp: transports lengthy prose
llm: summarizes lentghy prose to bullet points
recipient: reads summary
what a wonderful waste of energy