> Social media creates a world for Lucy where A) what everyone else is doing is very out in the open, B) most people present an inflated version of their own existence, and C) the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best, while struggling people tend not to broadcast their situation. This leaves Lucy feeling, incorrectly, like everyone else is doing really well, only adding to her misery:
> (image)
> So that’s why Lucy is unhappy, or at the least, feeling a bit frustrated and inadequate. In fact, she’s probably started off her career perfectly well, but to her, it feels very disappointing.
> ...
> Ignore everyone else. Other people’s grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today’s image crafting world, other people’s grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you’ll never have any reason to envy others.
---
Thus, the "set reasonable expectations" along with "realize that what is on social media is a constructed reality reflecting the masks people wear in that environment." The "what people see on Facebook" is almost as scripted as any romcom movie - just that most people realize that the movie is a constructed fabrication yet tend to expect that they can live day to day the same as what people project into the constructed reality of social media.
This article is the classic "millennials are sad because they have unrealistically high expectations" drivel that I thought we had buried for good. Even for 2013 it seems pretty trashy. Lucy doesn't think she's unusually wonderful, and to assume so is completely unfair to Lucy. Lucy was told over and over and over that all she needed to do was go to college and work hard at anything somewhat respectable, and financial stability and personal comfort would follow. She only ever wanted a decent liberal arts education, and after that a decent career. You know who fed her that BS? Her delusional parents.
Yes, it's easy to get unrealistic expectations from social media. But that's not the point of the article, for anyone tempted to click and read.
The high expectation drivel fed by parents is something that in that context is something that the millennials needed to overcome. That, however, is only part of the story.
Setting aside the expectations of "you are special and can be anything you want to be" from parents there is also the "the world around you is crafted to a degree that previous generations didn't deal with."
Recognizing that part of it is also important. If you compare yourself to influencers and expect to be able to live a life like them, you will likely be unhappy. Correspondingly, if you compare yourself to the crafted image of your peers all the time, you may feel that you're not doing as well as they are.
That part isn't a millennial issue but rather a "everyone who uses social media to compare or boast about their current social situations."
> You know who fed her that BS? Her delusional parents.
I thought the Wait but Why article made a point of calling that out. It didn't come across as blaming Lucy for her delusions, saying "she has _been told_ all her life that 'she's special'".
"Been told" seems to put the blame for that squarely on those doing the telling.
The flip side of that, is that there are a fair amount of parents, who get incredulous if their child doesn't have the dream social standard that they themselves found it easy to achieve. How many people in their mid-20s today are homeowners without student debts?
It's tough to tell, but it looks like you're partially blaming choice of career in humanities.
While this may be true for some people, it's not all roses in tech. I know this may not be your intended thesis, but I think it's worth pointing out some things that many people in high paying careers find out (not just tech, lawyers, business pros, ect.)... just to add to your point:
1. You're not going to have ANY time to relax, if you're trying to really get ahead, and take care of chores, let alone hobbies (which can even feel like chores if you like relax time)
2. Even if you don't care about advancing your career, or making money, there's a good chance you will feel like there's no other option... it's up or out
3. You may not find a partner, or at least a good supportive one, which makes some of these things easier (helping around the house, providing an anchor for an uncertain career)
4. Even if you find a good partner, things can change. It can make things even worse, due to heartbreak, or the pressures of living with someone you don't get along with; or you can lose your kids and/or be stuck with a big bill for your hardship.
5. There's a good chance you will grow apart from your friends. There's a lot of reasons for this, work, family, etc. It can be hard to find time in the best of cases
6. There's a pretty good chance you spend all of your money, or else you won't have the lifestyle you're expecting.
7. Health problems. They can start pretty early in adulthood, make it hard to feel comfortable, and end relationships / careers.
Just to add to your point: Even with "the career" things can wind up being pretty bleak. I have a lot going for me, but I don't live that crazy a lifestyle, own a house, etc. I suffer from some of these problems in varying degrees.
While some of the above is unavoidable, and has always been (eg. health). Other things seem fairly new. Like people with high paying jobs not owning houses, or having to choose between that, travel, etc.
Social networks are at an all time low point. Not for everyone, but it's been a growing trend.
I don't think that owning a house, occasionally traveling, with a supportive partner, while spending time with your friends, and having a few hobbies is "unreasonably high" for someone in a high paying career.
I'm not saying these things are unattainable, and it is asking quite a lot. However even if you play your cards well in life, you can easily end up falling very, very short.
> the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best
I'm skeptical about this. I suspect that it's more likely that such people are presenting an image of their lives that is much better than the reality.
In my experience, people who are living great lives rarely feel the need to tell everyone how great their lives are. Even when they're teenagers.
“Career (superficially?) going great” doesn’t imply “living a great life”. Communicating the former merely gives the (superficial) impression of the latter. And some of those chasing a “great” career are doing so because they aren’t otherwise fulfilled. In any case, among those who communicate about their career/life, there will be a bias towards communicating a successful career/life.
>the people who chime in the most about their careers are those whose careers (and relationships) are going the best
As it should be. Only a very small minority of people have careers or relationships worth emulating, and they should be setting examples for everyone else to aspire to.
Lucy is upset because she knows that she can do better. She sees people who are no smarter and no better than her getting much more out of life, and she is rightfully disgusted with her mediocrity.
Personal anecdote- at one time I made 30k a year, and I actually thought that was good. I thought it was good because I made more than my friends.
Then I started hanging out on Blind and /r/cscareerquestions. I got a CS degree and a job paying $70k a year, but felt like a failure because everyone on Blind seems to make more. As soon as I could I hopped to a higher paying role, but still felt poor.
But I'm not complaining now. Peer pressure from social media pushed me to build a great career, even if it made me feel miserable and inadequate for a time.
Is it better to be happy and complacent? I don't think so.
Most people's social animal brains cannot really deal with being consistently shown to be low status individuals without starting to act like low status individuals: defensively and risk-aversely.
This is an unconscious reflex, you cannot control how anyone perceives your social worth, including yourself.
The problem is that it tends to be a vicious circle: once you start behaving in a weak way due to illusions, people will perceive you negatively and it will become harder to bounce back for real.
there's a lot to unpack in this comment but I'll pick off one point and maybe others will contest the rest
> Only a very small minority of people have careers or relationships worth emulating, and they should be setting examples for everyone else to aspire to.
Of those that have relationships worth emulating I doubt they are parasocially broadcasting it for the world to see. To the contrary, most of these images that you see on social media are heavily curated and manicured and don't really reflect reality.
> Social media creates a world for Lucy where A) what everyone else is doing is very out in the open, B) most people present an inflated version of their own existence, and C) the people who chime in the most about their careers are usually those whose careers (or relationships) are going the best, while struggling people tend not to broadcast their situation. This leaves Lucy feeling, incorrectly, like everyone else is doing really well, only adding to her misery:
> (image)
> So that’s why Lucy is unhappy, or at the least, feeling a bit frustrated and inadequate. In fact, she’s probably started off her career perfectly well, but to her, it feels very disappointing.
> ...
> Ignore everyone else. Other people’s grass seeming greener is no new concept, but in today’s image crafting world, other people’s grass looks like a glorious meadow. The truth is that everyone else is just as indecisive, self-doubting, and frustrated as you are, and if you just do your thing, you’ll never have any reason to envy others.
---
Thus, the "set reasonable expectations" along with "realize that what is on social media is a constructed reality reflecting the masks people wear in that environment." The "what people see on Facebook" is almost as scripted as any romcom movie - just that most people realize that the movie is a constructed fabrication yet tend to expect that they can live day to day the same as what people project into the constructed reality of social media.