This resonates with me. I'm 47 and have been basically unemployed for 4 years, and when I tell friends and family I think have ADD-Inattentive they say, "no that's just the post pandemic life, everybody is like that now.". Though when I point out most people are employed, they don't have a good response. Or maybe they are thinking "you are just lazy" which is the life-script bias you mention. Am I _am_ lazy but I've also been able to hold a job (and find new work) in the past, so something changed.
ADHD has become such a fad that people tend to be dismissive of new diagnosis, especially in adults. But adults are exactly where you'd expect to see a lot of new diagnosis, since many of us had negligent health care when we were younger (for example: I also have significant hearing loss that wasn't diagnosed until I was 14, but I had been failing hearing tests since I was 7, no one told my parents). And in middle age the compensating behavioral systems we developed can just stop working, especially when assaulted by pandemic-related chaos.
Fascinating, I had severe hearing loss as a child that went unnoticed too. My parents quite literally said “we just thought he never listened”. One of my ears was assessed at 70% loss, the other 50%.
As for the work thing and being lazy - I strongly believe lazy isn’t a core trait so much as a symptom of core traits and your environment. I imagine if you’re interested in something, your “laziness” suddenly evaporates, though I accept that I could be wrong.
I used to think I was lazy and resented it about myself so much. I’ve come to realize that I’m actually extremely dysfunctional when confronted with uninteresting work. It’s not like I think I shouldn’t have to do it. I believe work is inherently good for us, assuming it’s pro social and beneficial to the worker and community. It’s part of how we support the people around us. I have no problem with that and I like the idea. Nonetheless, my brain goes haywire when I need to do an excruciatingly boring thing for the 200th time.
Part of what made me realize this is discovering the extent I will go to engineer ways out of doing work I don’t like. That’s not lazy at all.
As for holding a job, the notion of a “full cup” (or an empty one) in psychology is a useful analogy to use: doing things which energizes us fills the cup (exercise, play, sex, good nourishment, rest), while other things like unsatisfying work, dysfunctional relationships, not enough rest, bad nourishment, etc. will drain the cup. If you’re running on empty, holding or getting a job is a monolithic challenge. Don’t doubt how hard it is. Everything is on hard mode. It’s already hard enough for many of us, but ADHD makes this kind of thing seem insurmountable at times. A common response is to do nothing because it’s hard to imagine where to even begin.
I can’t speak for you, but you might be underestimating what you’re up against. This is easy to do because you’re surrounded by people who minimize what you’re dealing with (often without realizing it at all).
My hearing loss is mostly in my right ear so affects language processing. Even now if I don't have my listening brain "warmed up", and someone talks to me, what I hear sounds like the adults/teachers on old Peanuts cartoons. I did eventually get a head MRI (I went to a ENT doc in my late 20s for another reason and the doc was concerned about this unexplained loss) but it showed nothing abnormal. Probably its been there since birth (I apparently had a lot of ear infections as a kid).
As for attention disorders, I'm definitely in the territory of "everything is hard", and I've been doing nothing for some time now (even before pandemic). But I'm hoping this year I can finally make some forward progress.
This ear infection thing seems to be a common thread in ADHD land. There’s evidence of it being causative (due to damage to things around the ear and how sensory data is compromised and then causes dysfunction in the brain — apparently leads to hyperactivity in animal models), but other evidence of it being a symptom of ADHD in the first place. Interesting stuff.
I hope this year is better for you. I find I have to have an explicit plan, otherwise I rarely act on things in a meaningful way. Maybe that would help you too. I set very basic goals and try to arrange my living space and even digital spaces around the goal. If it isn’t in front of me all the time, I’ll quickly forget it. I underestimated how much I need to shape my life around goals and plans for a very long time. It drives my family crazy, they think I’m obsessive. In reality it’s like the world vanishes from existence if it isn’t pushed into my face constantly; if I try to hide anything from them, I’m hiding it from myself too.
>Am I _am_ lazy but I've also been able to hold a job (and find new work) in the past, so something changed.
Well, ADHD/ADD you don't suddenly catch. You have it or you don't.
>ADHD has become such a fad that people tend to be dismissive of new diagnosis, especially in adults.
I'm not so sure it's a fad. People say it's a fad, but could be because they dismiss people who genuinely have it, and also because it was not something diagnoses back in the past (say, pre 90s), so every boomer or even Gen-Xer can view it as just an excuse (as in: "we didn't have that excuse back in my days..").
It's also because like any mental issue, it's invisible. Same way people ask people with depression to just "snap out of it" or "be more positive".
ADHD has become such a fad that people tend to be dismissive of new diagnosis, especially in adults. But adults are exactly where you'd expect to see a lot of new diagnosis, since many of us had negligent health care when we were younger (for example: I also have significant hearing loss that wasn't diagnosed until I was 14, but I had been failing hearing tests since I was 7, no one told my parents). And in middle age the compensating behavioral systems we developed can just stop working, especially when assaulted by pandemic-related chaos.