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In situations like that I always try to remind myself that the person I'm talking to is almost certainly not the one responsible for the shitty situation I'm dealing with. >90% of the time the shitty situation is the result of a policy decision made by someone that neither of us has ever met or likely will ever meet. Both of us are victims of their shitty decision. I find it much easier to be civil when I keep that in mind. And on those occasions when that's not enough I try to remember to say, "I'm sorry, I know you're not responsible for this shitty situation, and I apologize for taking my frustrations out on you." I've gotten an enormous amount of mileage out of this strategy over the years.



Sounds like you’re self aware and actively trying to improve folks situation - you’re a good person, and work to stay that way!

If someone is in a customer service role, they’ll deal a lot with the other part of the population who isn’t (today) in that group, and they’re very memorable.


Thanks for the kind words. It's not just about being a "good person", though I do try to be sympathetic towards my fellow travelers in life. It's more about being effective. Yelling at someone is just generally not a good way to motivate people, especially if they don't actually have the power to change the situation.


I'd also call that enlightened self-interest, which is a good thing IMO. The world needs more of it.

Folks are not usually doing the opposite because they are intentionally being ineffective. It's a matter of either lack of knowledge or experience on how to do better, or more commonly, inability to manage themselves to a better state in their environment, and an environment that doesn't direct them to being in a better state either. It can be very difficult to do. Some people can't do it even in the most ideal of environments.

So kudos for managing yourself to be in a good place in a harsh environment, or good fortune for being in an environment that directs you in a good direction - or likely a combination of both to various degrees. Either way, sounds like a plus for folks you interact with.




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