Yes, it's become really common. (Between a few different gigs and hearing from friends, I've gotten to see inside lots of companies' product teams over the last few years.)
There's a constant drumbeat of forced intimacy and incessant prying into your personal life. "What did you do this weekend?" "Tell two truths and a lie!" "What'd you think of the $SPORT game?" "Where are you going for vacation?" "Are you thinking about moving, getting married, having kids?" "Don't forget to vote!" "Don't forget to donate!"
Combine that with the endless oversharing that's used as a mock-facade for true psychological safety, and the net result is very little time spent on actual work. I know way too much about which engineers are on which antidepressants, who's having weddings/babies/whatever, how they're voting, and what race/gender/etc they identify with... but simple conversations about schema-design or even code-review still veer into awkward, passive-aggressive intensity within a matter of minutes.
It's honestly absolutely exhausting. I do my best to duck out for the few minutes (or 20 minutes) of the meeting that gets frittered away on it. But it's inescapable, sooner or later. I've learned to have some bland nonsense ready to answer this sort of thing.
And this one is prying in just about any context, work or not:
> "Are you thinking about getting married, having kids?"
But these?
> "What did you do this weekend?"
> "What'd you think of the $SPORT game?"
> "Where are you going for vacation?"
> "Don't forget to vote!"
Those are just normal ways of making conversation! 99% of the time if someone's asking you this, they're not trying to get inside your brain and invade your privacy... they're just trying to talk to you. Honest question: do you prefer to have zero social interaction with your coworkers?
Edit: Also, it's bonkers to me that you think that this "has become" a thing. People have been making idle conversation at work since the dawn of civilization.
Thought about it a little more since my original comment does make me sound like a grumpy old geezer.
First off: you're right about there being a spectrum here, and some things do fall under the banner of plain ol' smalltalk.
I think what's gotten to me is how relentless it is lately. Back in the olden days, before the pandemic, whether you were meeting in a large group or small, remotely or in-person, everyone would just show up to the meeting and get on with it. The socializing would then happen afterward in small, occasional, in-person settings. You'd go for lunch or coffee or drinks or dinner, and you'd end up talking to the 1 or 3 people next to you and having an actual conversation.
Nowadays, it feels like the socializing is much more broad and shallow. And it's constant. It feels like nearly every meeting starts with several minutes of this sort of desperate veneer of friendliness. You have to constantly be upbeat and chipper and "on" as you click your way from one virtual meeting room to another, repeating the same bland story about your weekend several times a day.
TL;DR: You're right it's always been a thing, but I do think something has shifted in our post-pandemic world. Now, it feels much more like an ever-present demand for constant emotional labor, rather than actual social interaction.
I work at a company that has been operating remotely since a decade. In our weekly syncs (or 1:1 with manager), there's little to no small talk, and the meeting gets called off if there's not much agenda. For socials, we have a monthly sync, that is voluntary. Both don't get mixed.
Is someone asking about your weekend or if it's gotten cold where you live yet really emotional labor?
Those questions help orient everyone to the call. It's very much like when I call a friend and don't launch into what I need right after their 'Hello', I first ask them how they are doing. This lets them get their headspace into our conversation.
In person meetings have lots of physical clues to orient people so there's less chit chat needed. Remote though is more challenging. Everyone who just signed on was moving in different directions and speeds, and a couple minutes of 'hey, how's it going' gets people synced for the ensuing conversation.
And I say this as someone who prefers to do everything over Slack and avoid all meetings.
That’s a really sad way to look at it, there’s nothing wrong with connecting with the people you spend 8 hours a day with on a human level. I’ve made lasting friendships through the workplace. I have drinks a few times a year with my old team (most of whom have moved on) and it’s always a blast catching up, reminiscing and discussing the industry in a way I wouldn’t in the workplace. I go fishing a few times a year with an old colleague too and don’t really see how either of these things could be dressed up in a negative way.
Edit - I’ve also seen a few engineers you might describe as socially awkward/anxious come out of their shells in such environments. I’ve found introverts who wouldn’t usually contribute much to meetings contribute far more once they feel the team likes them personally.
Wow, you sound pleasant to work with.. Humans are social creatures and civilization is built on interpersonal relationships. Working remotely, I relish the brief bit of casual water cooler talk as people one-by-one join a meeting. What are we going to do, stare at each other blankly through the webcam? Not only does that touch of human connection ground me and give energy for the day, I've learned all sorts of interesting and valuable things from older colleagues! Going through a new and significant stage of your life like buying a house or having a kid? Here's some people you already know and trust who've already done that, who are happy to share their experiences! Do you have to take their advice? No! They're not family, there's no expectation of commitment. I find especially that because coworkers aren't who you'd normally be friends with, their knowledge and experiences are outside of my personal filter bubble. Do I go hunting? Nope! But hearing about my coworker taking his son and the son getting his first buck was great. That's a view of parenting I'd never see normally.
There's a constant drumbeat of forced intimacy and incessant prying into your personal life. "What did you do this weekend?" "Tell two truths and a lie!" "What'd you think of the $SPORT game?" "Where are you going for vacation?" "Are you thinking about moving, getting married, having kids?" "Don't forget to vote!" "Don't forget to donate!"
Combine that with the endless oversharing that's used as a mock-facade for true psychological safety, and the net result is very little time spent on actual work. I know way too much about which engineers are on which antidepressants, who's having weddings/babies/whatever, how they're voting, and what race/gender/etc they identify with... but simple conversations about schema-design or even code-review still veer into awkward, passive-aggressive intensity within a matter of minutes.
It's honestly absolutely exhausting. I do my best to duck out for the few minutes (or 20 minutes) of the meeting that gets frittered away on it. But it's inescapable, sooner or later. I've learned to have some bland nonsense ready to answer this sort of thing.