I struggled with depression through my teens and early adult years. I began to identify the only way it was quieted was by constantly spending time learning new skills, and making myself measurably less dependent on others, or more useful to others. Only when I have done that recently can I quiet the voices that tell me I am a useless sack of shit. Somewhere along the line the proof my hard work was paying off became easier and easier to see and depression was more and more distant. I simply became addicted to the moments of not feeling depressed because I was proud of a recent win obtained after however many failures required.
I also always noticed a pattern that when people start drinking when they are poor or depressed, they seem to get stuck in that place. I decided I would reward myself with the option of moderated vices only after I was in a reasonably stable, sustainable, and happy place in life and career. I was on my own with nothing at 17 and celebrated my success with my first drink at 25 when I felt like I earned it.
