On: Friendships form via shared context, not shared activities

[JohnBooty]

Even as a white person who has lived in America his whole life, I struggle with this. I am a strong person but my instinct is to "people please" and do things in a communal way.

I just think that acting communally makes more sense, so I do it. I assume that others will do the same. But they don't. As you say this can lead to negative outcomes.

[goodpoint → JohnBooty]

> I just think that acting communally makes more sense, so I do it. I assume that others will do the same. But they don't.

You are not wrong. They are the ones being selfish.

[JohnBooty → goodpoint]

Thank you, I sort of needed that this morning. Your words brightened a stranger's day by a bit.

[inkblotuniverse → goodpoint]

Well, he's mistaken in his assumption others will act the same way as him. That's a kind of 'wrong', too- towards himself.

[goodpoint → inkblotuniverse]

Being kind to other and giving them the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise is only human.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocal_altruism

[krigath → goodpoint]

And can be hugely benefitical or detrimental.

Adam Grant writes about this topic in. Givers are overrepresented both among the most and among the least successful individuals. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16158498-give-and-take

[prox → JohnBooty]

I feel the article has a strong skew towards an utilitarian approach to life. Everything needs a function and a purpose and the author’s writing seems to reflect that. I guess it’s part of western culture to some extent but it’s good to know it’s not the only way and especially in polarizing times it’s good to go the other way and learn (others) about trust and a sense of belonging.