This is like looking at hiring statistics and deciding you'll never get a FAANG job unless you went to a top-tier university
Going on a dating site and messaging attractive women there is like sending resumes into the online job sites for Google/Facebook/etc. MAYBE you'll get a response, but more likely you're just wasting your time.
In the working world, you can build up your skills and network to get a referral
In the dating world, you can improve your hygeine/personality and get an introduction via mutual friends/family/family's friends/family's friends' coworkers.
The best way to meet people will always be to leave your house and become socially active. You may even meet people of various genders just to hang out with ! Online dating profiles are more mostly bots / con artist anyway. The FTC filing against Match goes into detail here.
The best fun I've had was on the way to the club with my amazing friends, irrespective of if I meet anyone that night. The biggest sin of social media has been to convince people they didn't need real friends .
The world is great, is you save the 40$ a month Match.com cost for 12 months you can afford a trip to London or Paris, then at least you'll have some interesting stories to share at your local bar!
Do you seriously believe women will suddenly view a physically unattractive male as sexually desirable just because they got an introduction? It doesn't happen.
Raw sexual attraction is not something one builds towards with friend/family introductions/referrals and good hygiene. It's a visceral, almost animal-like condition that manifests at the drop of a hat and physical appearance (face, height, build) is _the_ most (if not the only) important attribute.
Those that have won the genetic lottery are smooth sailing. The sky is the limit.
Those that are average have to put in work to get results (and there are definite limits, they will hit a ceiling).
Those that have lost the genetic lottery are kneecapped from the get-go and they're looking at a vastly diminished set of possible partners and opportunities.
Beware typical-mind fallacy. This is a common source of friction even within couples. People don't all experience attraction the same way, for the same reasons, with the same curve of intensity over time. People don't all assign it the same weight in their relationship decisions. Especially across gender lines. Social and behavioral factors can be a lot more important than you'd think. Confidence, competence, humor, status. Cultural archetypes. Personal archetypes. Social proof. Trust, care, familiarity.
Will she sleep with him that night? Probably not. Would she agree to a date right away? Also probably not. Six months later, after a dozen group social events, might she have a serious crush? Decent chance. (Might his fast-burning infatuation be dead by then? Also yes, been there done that).
If you have others to vouch for you it's helpful since one thing everyone look for is creepiness - how much of a danger could you be? If you're just shy or awkward it might mean tough luck since it's hard to differentiate, but with an introduction this is much easier to overcome.
Seriously, the first hurdle is not 'is this guy sexually attractive' but 'is this guy potentially dangerous', and it's far safer to err on the side of caution.
I've never seen anyone imply: "this person is not a danger"...
I guess you can get some signals, sometimes... For when a person IS a danger.
But anyhow, most abuse happens in the privacy of a home, so I don't think I'd be able to vouch for anyone to really not be a creep. You never know what side of their personality people might be keeping hidden.
Creamy, I am 42 and I spent most of my dating period offline.
There is more to sexual attraction than photos. Sense of humor plays a great role. If you can make a girl laugh out loud, you're half way to wherever you want to have her. As are other elements of personality; some people are so irresistible in person that you forget their homely face. This works for both sexes, btw.
Yes, this does not work on Tinder, unfortunately. Dating apps are absolutely unnatural in this regard, very one-dimensional.
Physical appearance really isn't the be-all and end-all you seem to think it is. Social status is also important. Being well liked and respected, highly skilled, charismatic, or just plain rich, all confer social status. High status people hang out with other high status people. An introduction from a high-status person implies that you also have high status, and does indeed carry value.
Not when it comes to sexual attraction. Women are not sexually attracted to your wallet or social circle.
Sure high social status alone can help you land relationships but absent raw physical attraction, the foundation will be shaky. There is such a thing as a trophy wife / gold digger after all.
This raw "sexual attraction" stat you're going on about is basically the only thing that comes through on a dating app for hookups, but it's WAY less important when you meet someone in person and kick off an actual relationship. Especially if you meet them at a group outing with mutual friends.
Instead of being a sweaty, nervous wreck desperately trying to hold an awkward conversation, you could just be a cool dude hanging out with his friends, playing Fortnite or hacking firmware or making pizza. Your date can see what actually makes you cool and fun, instead of just seeing some fake persona you've constructed.. and if she doesn't like it, forget about her.
People tried to tell me this when I was a kid/younger man, and I just assumed they were all a bunch of ignorant old fools. I didn't figure it out on my own until I was in my 30s, and then I was married before I knew it.
I do my best to try and pass this advice on whenever I can, even though I know that most guys who had the same issue as me won't heed it. Shockingly, I explained this to my greasy 12 year old nephew when he was complaining about women.. at the time he basically told me to piss off, but a few months later he had a girlfriend, haha.
I'm not sure how you're defining "sexual attraction" here. If women want to sleep with you, you're sexually attractive. Women line up by the thousands to sleep with famous musical artists, and it ain't because they're chiseled Adonises.
(incidentally - is 'creamytaco' a veiled sexual reference?)
For me, the most frustrating is the failure mode. With people, not being popular doesn’t mean you won’t meet or date, it means you will have a constant negative experience. You may date a nice girl (boy in my case) but the relationship will be taxing, as in you’ll have to work more for the relationship than the other person.
It is entirely justified and reasonable, but if you didn’t notice the gap, you will end up believing people have a bad character.
the only way it's going to have a really substantial effect in the USA is if you have bad hygiene
Personally, I think that whiteboarding/in-person interviews are mostly BS and "culture fit" (AKA: You like the person) has an oversized impact. But since you're not trying to woo the hiring manager into bed with you, you just have to make sure you aren't obnoxiously gross. Even if you're the ugliest dude on the planet, all that means is you need to take a shower and wear clean clothes.
Going on a dating site and messaging attractive women there is like sending resumes into the online job sites for Google/Facebook/etc. MAYBE you'll get a response, but more likely you're just wasting your time.
In the working world, you can build up your skills and network to get a referral
In the dating world, you can improve your hygeine/personality and get an introduction via mutual friends/family/family's friends/family's friends' coworkers.