I think somehow somewhere there're real friends for you to find. Possibly simpler to find if you do new unusual things you didn't try before? Or maybe try a different city or country (if work allows)
Nothing overly dramatic happened. Basically people dropped out of my life whenever small change happened, because while I was pleasant to be around, I was not worth any additional effort no matter how tiny.
And I realized that I am never getting my preference. When I asked for my needs or wants, I never got it and people around me disproportionally did not liked it. They liked "yes" me, but as if me suddenly wanting something of saying no crossed unspoken lines. (I am 100% sure I was not impolite or aggressive or too pushy.)
When I wanted to do things I actually wanted to do, I needed to do them alone anyway. And since I subconsciously equated "yes" with "I care for relationship" or basically duty, I was afraid to organize things and have people not come (cause not coming stung more then it should).
> What happened after that?
Basically, I make sure that I am not "yes" person by the start of relationship to not get myself framed that way. And when I have a choice, I socialize with people who accept my right to say no or who are willing to compromise without punishing me in some way.
What happened after that?
I think somehow somewhere there're real friends for you to find. Possibly simpler to find if you do new unusual things you didn't try before? Or maybe try a different city or country (if work allows)