You've got it exactly right. Your problem of pods not being deregistered is a real problem, but also with a quick fix: The default "Deregistration delay" for ALBs is 300 seconds but for kubernetes pods the TerminationGracePeriod defaults to 60 seconds. This means that your load balancer keeps trying that pod for 4 whole minutes after it's been hard-shutdown.
Here's the annotation that I used to fix that: