The joking dynamic depends a lot on whether we are talking about technical leadership versus line management, a distinction that occurs in some matrix-structured organisations. I.e., where people are grouped into resource teams for admin reasons and are separately deployed to projects. So an individual will generally have at least two people who can ‘tell them what to do’, namely his line manager (who might hassle them to complete training, performance reviews, etc) and the tech lead of the project(s) to which they are assigned.
Before retiring I was a tech lead for multiple projects over three decades, so was used to having a ‘leader’ relationship with many of my colleagues, some of whom were good friends. But for a two year period I took up line management responsibilities for the resource team of grey beards I belonged to. This was much, much more stressful than the tech leading. Not because of having to fire them but because I was now the corporate voice who had to explain why they weren’t getting a good pay rise, again. Most of them knew it was my role and not me so didn’t take it personally but in one case it completely destroyed a friendship with one of my team who was particularly bitter about certain issues.
In terms of ‘joking about firing people’ – my close friends in the group and I evolved a protocol whereby conversation that took place on our regular lunchtime walks was deemed to be ‘normal me’ speaking as opposed to ‘management-me’, and where I could share jokes. The only exception to this stays-in-Vegas rule was with one guy who was a known joker: I made a ‘management sign’ that had ‘No!’ printed on one side and ‘Stop!’ on the other. This was used fairly often and was viewed positively, especially when the individual concerned was being particularly distracting in the open plan office. It also humanised the management role, especially with my friends who knew that I was not a corporate clone.
Before retiring I was a tech lead for multiple projects over three decades, so was used to having a ‘leader’ relationship with many of my colleagues, some of whom were good friends. But for a two year period I took up line management responsibilities for the resource team of grey beards I belonged to. This was much, much more stressful than the tech leading. Not because of having to fire them but because I was now the corporate voice who had to explain why they weren’t getting a good pay rise, again. Most of them knew it was my role and not me so didn’t take it personally but in one case it completely destroyed a friendship with one of my team who was particularly bitter about certain issues.
In terms of ‘joking about firing people’ – my close friends in the group and I evolved a protocol whereby conversation that took place on our regular lunchtime walks was deemed to be ‘normal me’ speaking as opposed to ‘management-me’, and where I could share jokes. The only exception to this stays-in-Vegas rule was with one guy who was a known joker: I made a ‘management sign’ that had ‘No!’ printed on one side and ‘Stop!’ on the other. This was used fairly often and was viewed positively, especially when the individual concerned was being particularly distracting in the open plan office. It also humanised the management role, especially with my friends who knew that I was not a corporate clone.