knieveltech, I'm moving to Durham from North Raleigh next month. Raleigh is definitely "safe and clean". If you are looking for safe and clean in the Triangle, there is always Cary. It has received many accolades for its family-friendliness.
Safe and clean is not really what I'm looking for in a city though. I'm more interested in the culture: food, music, art, interesting people and companies. Also, my wife and I were looking for a cool neighborhood to live in and found ourselves overwhelmed with great options: Trinity Heights, Trinity Park, Duke Park, Watts-Hillandale, Old West Durham, Forest Hills, Burch Ave, West End. Can I walk a mile in any direction and not encounter any sketchy streets? Nope. Durham is a little more integrated and not quite as homogenous as other communities. And I consider that a plus. :-)
If you're into live jazz, there's an awesome set every Thursday night at Whiskey starting at 10:30. Really talented musicians from NC Central's Jazz program show up and jam.
Durham is definitely not without its flaws. There are areas that are unsafe. There are also areas that are suburban wasteland, such as near Southpoint. But the downtown is increasingly alive, filled with people, walkable, and gritty. I'm looking forward to the grit and being around to see Durham continue to change!
I'd even say it's cleaner than almost all of San Francisco and SF's worst parts (eg, the Mission, Bayview, Hunter's Points) are more violent than Durham's worst parts.
Every urban environment of any size is going to have its problems but there is a definite reality distortion field surrounding how violent and dirty people think Durham is.
