My journey with ADHD has been a mix. I got diagnosed with 25 after someone here on HN pointed out that my motivation issues might not be normal and something worth checking out. Well surprise surprise, they were right and I have ADHD and always had it. Just noone really noticed but in reflection it makes sense now.
At first I was relieved to get meds. Then I started to learn more and more about what ADHD is actually doing to me and my life. I read through dozens of papers and probably know more about it now than my doc who just gives me whatever his book says he should prescribe.
I hate ADHD and I would pay a lot to get rid of it. I hate not being able to focus like a normal person (despite hyper focus bursts) without meds. I hate that my mood is impulsive and all over the place like an emotional hurricane. I am very sensitive to negative feedback (thanks RSD, but also thanks to guanfacine for now being somewhat able to treat this) and can't deal with conflict.
I can't push through with things, my focus and thoughts play ping pong. One moment I obsess with a new hobby and throw a lot of money at it, then a few weeks later I don't bother touching it again. I start a dozen software projects, finish it 80% then lose interest and do something else.
If I have no interest in something I can't do it at all. It's like getting a tooth pulled out. If something grabs m attention I have to drop everything and do it now and if I don't it will bounce back and forth in my head until I do it (like writing this comment).
I procrastinate everything until the last minute. If something doesn't have external consequences I just won't do it. If there is a deadline or it will impact something, I will push it until it's due, then panic and rush through it.
My brain feels like it's always on overdrive and works in extremes without middleground. Either I hate or I love, either I'm interested or not a single bit. Either I'm fully committed on something or I won't touch it at all
But thanks to ADHD I became a very good software engineer. I was able to quickly pick up new technologies and hyper focus through it in no time. I am very good in designing systems because of how fast my brain works. I can quickly sort through heaps of ways to do something and look at things from many different sides at once to find the optimal path (though sometimes overlook things due to gaps in working memory).
Still I hate it. It's also a completely mislabeled condition. If it was just attention I'd be so much happier.
At first I was relieved to get meds. Then I started to learn more and more about what ADHD is actually doing to me and my life. I read through dozens of papers and probably know more about it now than my doc who just gives me whatever his book says he should prescribe.
I hate ADHD and I would pay a lot to get rid of it. I hate not being able to focus like a normal person (despite hyper focus bursts) without meds. I hate that my mood is impulsive and all over the place like an emotional hurricane. I am very sensitive to negative feedback (thanks RSD, but also thanks to guanfacine for now being somewhat able to treat this) and can't deal with conflict.
I can't push through with things, my focus and thoughts play ping pong. One moment I obsess with a new hobby and throw a lot of money at it, then a few weeks later I don't bother touching it again. I start a dozen software projects, finish it 80% then lose interest and do something else.
If I have no interest in something I can't do it at all. It's like getting a tooth pulled out. If something grabs m attention I have to drop everything and do it now and if I don't it will bounce back and forth in my head until I do it (like writing this comment).
I procrastinate everything until the last minute. If something doesn't have external consequences I just won't do it. If there is a deadline or it will impact something, I will push it until it's due, then panic and rush through it.
My brain feels like it's always on overdrive and works in extremes without middleground. Either I hate or I love, either I'm interested or not a single bit. Either I'm fully committed on something or I won't touch it at all
But thanks to ADHD I became a very good software engineer. I was able to quickly pick up new technologies and hyper focus through it in no time. I am very good in designing systems because of how fast my brain works. I can quickly sort through heaps of ways to do something and look at things from many different sides at once to find the optimal path (though sometimes overlook things due to gaps in working memory).
Still I hate it. It's also a completely mislabeled condition. If it was just attention I'd be so much happier.