I'm not at all trying to lessen all the stories of alcoholism in the thread. I know everyone's experience is different, and addiction and alcoholism are genuine diseases that become incredibly physiologically difficult to overcome.
But I find it a complicated topic. I've had so many great times drinking - sitting around with friends, late into the night, making real connections, debating things, laughing, and not being in a rush to check my phone or go somewhere else.
Yes you can do this stuff without drinking, and we should probably make more of an effort to as a society just to be more inclusive of those who don't drink. But in my own experience and own social circles, these kinds of interactions seems to happen less or at least in different ways without drinking. When I've hung out with groups of friends that don't drink, maybe they'll play a board game, or have a bbq, usually something that's a bit more of an activity than just sitting there doing nothing. And then when the activity's over people leave. There's something kind of unique about sitting around drinking, it can bring such an intense emphasis on the act of just being present and connecting with the people you're with.
Another aspect is always having somewhere to go. If you're out in a big city with friends there's basically a limitless number of bars you can go to, with fun and inspiring ambiances. I don't think there's really any equivalent without drinking. You can go out to eat but it only lasts an hour or two. Go to coffee shops, but they close at 9 or 10pm.
Obviously you can always do all of this stuff and be the person in the group who's not drinking, and that's totally cool. But once nobody in the group is drinking, the dynamic is a little different. And it's frowned upon to go to a bar with a group and not buy any drinks.
Anyway, not sure what my point is. I still drink regularly, though now I try to limit it to 2-3 drinks at a time and only 1 or 2 days a week. I don't think I have a problem with alcohol, but of course the confusing part about it all is that's exactly what someone who has a problem with alcohol would say. Maybe I should stop drinking just to be safe. But in the right circumstances, having a few drinks can really be a beautiful way to connect with your fellow human beings, and one that I've gotten a lot of genuine enjoyment out of over the years.
Thank you for sharing your story, I wanted to add a somewhat related perspective in the same train of thought.
My grandfather was a severe alcoholic, beat my father, the whole 9 yards. My father was obsessed with not becoming an alcoholic and his children from not drinking to the point of, I would say near insanity in the way he talked to us and ranted against alcohol continuously.
Anytime anyone would drink alcohol around him, he would spew the most horrible vitriolic language about them and make all kinds of personal judgements about them while not knowing them at all. He also physically abused us to without even the excuse of alcohol like his grandfather.
Today I never speak to him and happily drink in moderation sometimes. Maybe that’s not right for everybody but perhaps just a little reminder that everything can go too far including worry about drinking.
For me, it’s weddings, holidays, and funerals. The proper way to celebrate those (this is culturally relative, and I’m talking about whatever sub-culture I come from in the US) involves alcohol. Which sometimes makes quitting alcohol feel like cutting off your nose to spite your face.
But I find it a complicated topic. I've had so many great times drinking - sitting around with friends, late into the night, making real connections, debating things, laughing, and not being in a rush to check my phone or go somewhere else.
Yes you can do this stuff without drinking, and we should probably make more of an effort to as a society just to be more inclusive of those who don't drink. But in my own experience and own social circles, these kinds of interactions seems to happen less or at least in different ways without drinking. When I've hung out with groups of friends that don't drink, maybe they'll play a board game, or have a bbq, usually something that's a bit more of an activity than just sitting there doing nothing. And then when the activity's over people leave. There's something kind of unique about sitting around drinking, it can bring such an intense emphasis on the act of just being present and connecting with the people you're with.
Another aspect is always having somewhere to go. If you're out in a big city with friends there's basically a limitless number of bars you can go to, with fun and inspiring ambiances. I don't think there's really any equivalent without drinking. You can go out to eat but it only lasts an hour or two. Go to coffee shops, but they close at 9 or 10pm.
Obviously you can always do all of this stuff and be the person in the group who's not drinking, and that's totally cool. But once nobody in the group is drinking, the dynamic is a little different. And it's frowned upon to go to a bar with a group and not buy any drinks.
Anyway, not sure what my point is. I still drink regularly, though now I try to limit it to 2-3 drinks at a time and only 1 or 2 days a week. I don't think I have a problem with alcohol, but of course the confusing part about it all is that's exactly what someone who has a problem with alcohol would say. Maybe I should stop drinking just to be safe. But in the right circumstances, having a few drinks can really be a beautiful way to connect with your fellow human beings, and one that I've gotten a lot of genuine enjoyment out of over the years.