I agree that all of the versions the author listed are no good; they do sound just as condescending or maybe even worse than the original.
For myself, in a similar scenario, I tend to say "Can we just...?" Granted it's not enormously better, but I feel like using "we" (as a rule of thumb in any work conversation too, not just in this scenario) always lightens it up and makes it more like we're on the same team (which we are) instead of me vs you. (And if you want to be even more neutral, omit the "just", and say "Can we use sshd?")
Digging a little deeper though, the issue of whether someone takes you more lightly or more aggressively comes down to how they perceive you as a person (your personality) and what they already know about you. If you come across as a friendly and funny person every day (through lots of other things you can do), when you say "Can we just...?" it becomes easier to understand you as well-meaning and saying in a tongue-in-cheek way "I'm an idiot, here's a simple straightforward suggestion, probably won't work?" instead of "You are an idiot, here's a simple straightforward suggestion, why didn't you think of it".
For myself, in a similar scenario, I tend to say "Can we just...?" Granted it's not enormously better, but I feel like using "we" (as a rule of thumb in any work conversation too, not just in this scenario) always lightens it up and makes it more like we're on the same team (which we are) instead of me vs you. (And if you want to be even more neutral, omit the "just", and say "Can we use sshd?")
Digging a little deeper though, the issue of whether someone takes you more lightly or more aggressively comes down to how they perceive you as a person (your personality) and what they already know about you. If you come across as a friendly and funny person every day (through lots of other things you can do), when you say "Can we just...?" it becomes easier to understand you as well-meaning and saying in a tongue-in-cheek way "I'm an idiot, here's a simple straightforward suggestion, probably won't work?" instead of "You are an idiot, here's a simple straightforward suggestion, why didn't you think of it".