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TalkToTransformer for the 1st:

CHESS IS A FUN SPORT, WHEN PLAYED WITH SHOT GUNS.

IT'S BEEN FINE FOR 100 YEARS.

BUT HONESTLY, IF THE REASON YOU CAN'T KEEP A CONFESSION TO A FRIEND IS THAT THEY'VE TAKEN YOUR MONEY,

HOW CAN YOU HAVE A CONFESSION IF IT'S ALWAYS BEEN A LIE?

WHAT MAKES YOU SO MAD ABOUT THE CATHOLIC CHURCH?

SO YOU GO TO CHURCH?

NO, I WON'T GO TO CHURCH, I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE GODS THINK.

I HAVE TO BE CONFIDENT, BECAUSE OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,

I HAVE TO BE HONEST.

THE CATHOLIC CHURCH DOESN'T HELP YOU FIND OUT WHAT GOD THINKS.

I DON'T WANT TO GIVE UP MY HANDIWORKS TO ANOTHER AUTHORITATIVE GROUP.

BUT IF YOU



My attempts below look nicer to me, the all caps probably leads to data sparsity issues. The global coherence of the first one is amazing, and the line "One of the best ways to test if you are a robot is to play against yourself." from the second one is pure gold.

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Chess is a fun sport, when played with shot guns.

This is the ultimate expression of that.

A lot of people have asked me why I didn't include it, and I think it's because the rules of the game prohibit this sort of thing. It would be illegal to use guns to play chess.

I would have added the rules to a version that didn't contain this type of action.

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Chess is a fun sport, when played with shot guns.

When your friend loses to a human player and says "I don't know how you do that, that's just stupid" - this is an indication of what it means to be a robot. If you're a human player, the player who lost was probably better than you - so you are probably not the stupid human. But if you lose, it means you're a robot - and thus the game has been rigged against you, even if it's not a complete sham.

When you play Chess, you have two opponents (two computers) that are very much alike in terms of ability. This is why the game can be so fun to play: The game is not rigged against you - it's rigged against all the other humans! This is why chess is not chess at all: it is a game that can be rigged against you, just as the stock market is rigged against everyone.

One of the best ways to test if you are a robot is to play against yourself.




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