Just my couple of cents worth of first hand input...
Most Chinese families aren't crazy-obsessed with achievement - I'd say about 1/4 of them exhibit this kind of insane behavior, but that's still a very, very high rate, which is where this stereotype comes from. The rest are similar to their high-achieving white counterpart families.
Just as a data point, my two parents (two MDs and one PhD, yeah, it could have been real, real bad) weren't like this. I had a very normal childhood. I did all the things that white kids do.
I would like to bring up a possibility, which is possibly controversial: a lot of these kids let themselves be trampled on by their parents. In addition to (probably) being bullied at school, they are bullied at home by their parents. I really wish they would do more to stand up for themselves. They can't be blamed, though, as their will has been systematically removed by the parents in most cases.
Overall, this whole thing is a great example of very smart people doing very stupid things.
A not unrelated issue is the high rate of Asian American girls/women who refuse to date and marry Asian guys. It's so blindingly obvious as to why, I'm surprised anyone ever has to ask the question.
"I would like to bring up a possibility, which is possibly controversial: a lot of these kids let themselves be trampled on by their parents. In addition to (probably) being bullied at school, they are bullied at home by their parents. I really wish they would do more to stand up for themselves."
I can imagine that only someone who has never been through years of systematic abuse / bullying would lay the blame on the victim.
> I can imagine that only someone who has never been through years of systematic abuse / bullying would lay the blame on the victim.
I'm Chinese and I know plenty of folks who went through this abuse. I know many kids who did stand up to the abuse - and as a kid who stood up to my parents (and whose parents changed because of it), I despise this horrible stereotype and wish more kids would muster the constitution to fight it.
You can only imagine nothing. If you weren't brought up in or witness to this kind of environment I don't even really know how you can make conclusions in your imagination about me.
I'm not Chinese, but I was abused for 7 years by a member of my own family. It wasn't until 8 years after it stopped that I finally plucked up the courage to tell someone about it. That someone can sit there and say that it happened because I didn't stand up for myself, and then go on to defend that view when pulled up on it, deeply bothers me.
Just because you're Chinese, or "know someone who was abused", doesn't mean you know what it's like to be that kind of victim. It's fuck all to do with not having "the constitution to fight it" and everything to do with being destroyed from the inside out.
Good for you for having the guts to fight it though, eh?
I would like to bring up a possibility, which is possibly controversial: a lot of these kids let themselves be trampled on by their parents.
What are they supposed to do when they are beaten and locked out of the house for 24 hours with no food to eat?
A not unrelated issue is the high rate of Asian American girls/women who refuse to date and marry Asian guys. It's so blindingly obvious as to why, I'm surprised anyone ever has to ask the question.
Your hypothesis is incorrect. Asian females greatly prefer middle eastern, and whites over asian males. Both of which presumably do not have a background of strict parenting.
> What are they supposed to do when they are beaten and locked out of the house for 24 hours with no food to eat?
Is this a serious question?
If that happens, you call the cops like the victim of any other kind of assault. I have a friend who did this and had dad arrested and taken to court. It worked phenomenally well - she was never beat ever again - wonder why?!
> Both of which presumably do not have a background of strict parenting
Nah bro, your reading is incorrect, not my hypothesis.
That's my point. Having an Asian significant other would be too much of a reminder of their shitty upbringing, or they irrationally believe they would be somehow subjecting their own kids to the same experience. I personally think it's a post traumatic stress reaction.
If that happens, you call the cops like the victim of any other kind of assault.
Like any other assault, you need proof that abuse actually happened and you just didn't slip and fall. And how is a 8 year old kid supposed to know? Also what about the threats to bring them to China, free to beat them as much as they like, if they told the police? (And yes all this actually happened).
That's my point. Having an Asian significant other would be too much of a reminder of their shitty upbringing
Maybe that's true to a small extent, but the statistics from Okcupid shows that skin color is a much greater factor.
Just because one child did it, doesn't mean all children can. Heck, even adults can't sometimes. Haven't you ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? Or battered wife syndrome? Going up against someone who has power over you is hard.
> A not unrelated issue is the high rate of Asian American girls/women who refuse to date and marry Asian guys. It's so blindingly obvious as to why, I'm surprised anyone ever has to ask the question.
Y'know, I'm not so convinced that that's it. I think people of a different genetic background as ourselves are naturally appealing to some extent, but dating/marrying outside of any race is largely taboo. Asian woman/Caucasian man is socially acceptable right now, but I think a lot more of it is going to happen going forwards.
If China continues its ascendancy into an empire, I'd predict more Chinese man/Caucasian woman parings going forwards. The numbers already bare out that mixed race parings have been increasing at quite a high rate. With the skewed gender ratios, increasing Chinese wealth, and most likely international emergence of Chinese arts and culture and sex symbols... I think there's going to be a significant increase of Eastern European woman/Chinese man and Caucasian American/Chinese parings coming in the very near future.
> I think people of a different genetic background as ourselves are naturally appealing to some extent
Being open to dating people other than your race is completely different than outright refusal to date any people of your own or a similar race. One is a normal modern mindset and the other is some kind of post traumatic mental reaction.
A commonly cited factor is the lower status of women in the culturally defined relationship that drives some women to seek partners who do not share that cultural preference. In some cultures, the wife is subservient not only to the husband but also to the husband's family. A desire to escape this, perhaps even a subconscious desire may drive some of the cross cultural mate seeking behavior more directly.
Indeed, look at Dr. Chua's family- she married someone outside of her culture and continues to pursue the "Chinese parent" mindset with vigor.
Most Chinese families aren't crazy-obsessed with achievement - I'd say about 1/4 of them exhibit this kind of insane behavior, but that's still a very, very high rate, which is where this stereotype comes from. The rest are similar to their high-achieving white counterpart families.
Just as a data point, my two parents (two MDs and one PhD, yeah, it could have been real, real bad) weren't like this. I had a very normal childhood. I did all the things that white kids do.
I would like to bring up a possibility, which is possibly controversial: a lot of these kids let themselves be trampled on by their parents. In addition to (probably) being bullied at school, they are bullied at home by their parents. I really wish they would do more to stand up for themselves. They can't be blamed, though, as their will has been systematically removed by the parents in most cases.
Overall, this whole thing is a great example of very smart people doing very stupid things.
A not unrelated issue is the high rate of Asian American girls/women who refuse to date and marry Asian guys. It's so blindingly obvious as to why, I'm surprised anyone ever has to ask the question.