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The way I decided to play the game was like this, "I won't be attending the Daily Standups anymore as I don't think they add value and do subtract value."

The project mgmt response was, "Attendance at standups is mandatory."

Regardless, I didn't go to anymore standups and when I got flack for that, I stopped going to the office all together. When I got flack for that, I stopped working all together.

Then I got fired. That solved all my scrum problems.

I got criticized for zoning out at scrum meetings. So I watched what the managers do. They show up for the first few minutes, look alert, then leave as if in a hurry. I started doing the same thing, and never had a problem again.

If you do this often enough. People will assume you are busy if you don’t show up at all.

Don't forget to always roll up your sleeves and carry around some papers.

If you are in a paperless office, tapping a tablet with a stylus as you walk confers the same office space prestige.

That seems to be secret for managers anyway. Always appear eager and motivated and then run away.

Because what do they all actually do? They spend a large portion of their time waiting around for numbers they add[0] to a spreadsheet and report those numbers to their manager.

That's it. (Ok, once a year they do reviews.)

[0] If they don't bug a dev to do it.

Great story from start to finish. I kept waiting for a happy turnaround but that ending was perfect.

Yea, same here.

This pretty much sums up my experience with Software Dev at one of the Big 4.

Thank you for giving me a really good laugh.


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