Ask HN: How do you convince yourself that you're good enough?

[Starknaked]

For things like applying for better paying jobs, coding open source software (and not being concerned your code sucks), writing articles, building your own commerical products, building a business network, doing freelance work, etcetera.

I always feel like I'm not good enough or worse that I'll never be good enough. I've done things in those area's that I'm proud of but I still feel this gnawing anxiety that I won't ever be good enough. This applies to everything outside the scope of this question as well.

I won't apply for jobs that I think I'm not good enough for, I don't want to publish any of my projects code because I fear its trash and people will be critical of it. I like to write but I don't feel confident about what I can contribute.

To me the anxiety of not feeling like I'll ever be good enough sucks all the joy out of these things. I've stopped projects that once inspired me and never returned. I'm not even sure why. I just get this anxious feeling that only goes away when I give up and distract myself with entertainment.

[henning]

I've had many similar feelings and still struggle with this.

Look for objective feedback and praise you've received from other people. Most people give compliments when they mean it honestly. Depending on the situation, you can take people's word for it.

Think about how you've gotten better. Do you think back to anything you did in the past and feel like you'd do it better now? That means you've learned.

Things like that are not delusional and giving yourself credit for that is not bullshit.

I suspect with both of us that these feelings touch on something deeper that just reflecting on past progress may not fully address. I'm still struggling with it.

Have you seen a therapist before? These are the kinds of things they're good at dealing with.

[Starknaked → henning]

I really appreciate your reply.

I like objective feedback and praise and I feel it helps on the surface but it doesn't really help with the underlying issue. It's like having a default mode set to "Negative" that can only be overridden for a short period.

I agree with you that there is some deeper underlying issue that needs to be addressed.

I have seen a therapist for a assertiveness course I did which was great. I couldn't see her after that though. I would like to see another therapist but here they are very expensive and I can't afford it. I have thought about using one of those therapy apps as they're much more affordable.

[gaspoweredcat]

i dont but i see it differently, if i felt i was good enough it would remove the feeling that i need to get better, the people around me tell me im good enough regularly so i guess i must be doing OK but i wont let that make me feel comfortable as thats when ill start getting lazy

what youre experiencing is "imposter syndrome" you feel like those around you are good at what theyre doing and youre just sort of faking it/winging it and dont belong there when in fact you do. its a wild guess but i suspect youre someone who in younger years didnt really have expectations of great success and youve done better than you expected you would. this is especially common among the self taught and those who have had skill for a long time but only recently been picked up for a technical job.

i personally have been able to code and work with hardware etc since a very young age but im entirely self taught so until nearly age 30 i worked in bars, warehouses and shops for min wage, then suddenly im a key player in a tech role which leaves you feeling slightly like you dont belong especially when those around you have been in the industry for years and have countless qualifications

battling this isnt easy as generally someone else telling you isnt going to stick or change anything, its something you have to find ways to come to terms with yourself

[Starknaked → gaspoweredcat]

For some reason I find it totally demotivating. I don't feel compelled to get better at all. That makes me lazy because I just feel so anxious I have to do something else to distract myself and feel better. It also naturally makes me feel very reluctant to go back to whatever made me feel that anxiety.