Ask HN: Successful entrepreneurs, what (non-startup) areas in life did you fail?

[jayliew]

My mentor once told me, "you can have it all, just not all at the same time."

Time and time again I forget and try to do it all, and I end up frustrating myself. I know this, but I often forget: If I want to succeed at the things that are important to me in my life (such as building a successful startup), there will be areas in my life that I will have to be ok with getting a failing grade in. (e.g. relationships will suffer, etc.)

It's one thing to try and fail (negative "ROI"), it's another to knowingly accept and say, "ok, I'm going to get a C- in certain areas so I'm not going to invest too much of my finite resources in this area (non-negative ROI)."

Would successful entrepreneurs share with us here what they had to give up?

Personally, I find it hard to keep up with my relationships. If I know that others went through the same, it would make me feel a lot better that it's not just me. (Or if it is possible to have it all, please do tell!)

[biznickman]

On numerous times I've given up my health. Since then I've learned that's the last thing you want to sacrifice. Seriously, if there's anything you're going to give up, don't give up your health. (A healthy diet and regularly scheduled physical activity is important).

The primary thing that you'll always give up while running a business is free-time. Free-time doesn't exist. Vacation? Forget it. Television? Aside from your weekly sports games or whatever you have, there's little reason to be watching the TV.

I think "normalcy" is the greatest thing you give up. However I think normal people are always wondering what they're going to do with their life in the future or simply wasting it away in the now. Entrepreneurs on the other hand are creating the future so I'd rather be there than spending my time mastering the latest World Of Warcraft series (sorry to WOW players).

[jayliew → biznickman]

Any comments on relationships?

[endlessvoid94]

I got expelled from high school and then dismissed from college after one year.

I eventually got back in and graduated, but not before learning to focus only on what's important. Now I'm living in SF without a boss, while my projects pay my rent.

Life is good!

[manumental]

I started out at 17 with a retail store which quickly grew into distribution and manufacturing of action sports products. this upset many people in the national (i'm in europe) industry and i was cut off from all my suppliers. we did some groundbreaking stuff in and around that area but a bad choice of VC and co-wnership (rings a bell on HN?) stopped that expansion. i ended up with lots of debt within two years while trying to get by with graymarket imports and alternative product.

by that time i had missed out and sacrificed on many things regular people enjoy in their 18-24's. knowing that my business would by fine without the (probably illegal) interference of my competition i fought on.

i grew up with the photoshops and illustrators, wrote BASIC and Pascal in kindergarden, and laughed at the first web bubble. so i went to work in the IT industry (and ending up on HN). this all barely allows me to pay off my debts, get by with life and carry the extra cost of maintaining my "old" business.

my "new" portofolio and overall cv gave me a solid perspective going forwards and it works well as a financial insurance (i can always go in fulltime and pay off debt quickly). so i keep taking risks and do it for the overall story of it.

i have probably thrown away a a six figure sum over that time, but i'm happy i did it and thankful for all the experience and perspective it gave me at a very young age. it pays off everyday by now in work, life and yes, relationships. but it cost me 10-15 years of my life. no holidays, no relationships for a long period, many business and personal conflicts, eviction notices, reposessions, lawsuits, reduced social interactions, etc. stuff you wont risk taking if you had an initial choice.

by now i live two extremeley different lives at once so some of the bad stuff can mix up. at the bottom line you truly got to love what you are doing to stick through it. as cheesy as that.

[thetylerhayes]

In my personal experience, you don't necessarily lose relationships (in quality or quantity). It seemed more like a "weed out the wheat from the chaff" process.

During my first startup, I lost friends. But many were weak links anyway (which is not to say I wasn't sad to lose them). I lost some close friends too, some of whom I'm still not friends with again. It sucks. But c'est la vie -- this is not exclusively an entrepreneur-only experience.

I also became much closer to my family, especially my parents. Fortunately, I've had great parents, and they continue to serve as wise advisors. So while I lost some friends, I also made some new friends who are now some of the strongest friends I've ever had, as we share many more things in common (i.e. my old relationships were friends because we went to school together, my new relationships are founded on mutual interest).

As for romantic relationships, my first startup officially killed my romantic relationship. But it was not 100% because of my startup, nor is it a story for the Internet. Still, my business was a large factor. You can only care for one love at a time, in my opinion.

I don't see any of these as failures, however. They are all growth experiences. I learn more about myself, my friends/family, my business, my interests, the world, and that's just the beginning. I will only judge these as failures when I tried to make something work and despite my truly 100% best efforts I was not able to reach the intended goal.

One last thought: maybe it is possible to "have it all," but maybe you just need to re-define "all." Personally, to "have it all" is not synonymous with having everything at the same time. To me, to "have it all" can be spread out over my entire lifetime -- I can run a successful business now, then later meet someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, or vice versa. Or any other combination. Finally, "have it all" is different for everybody, so don't let my words define your life. But I hope I've helped at least a bit.

[_b8r0]

When I first started up I worked 80-120 hour weeks, busting my backside off to the detriment of my friendships and even my marriage. I decided one day that enough was enough. There had to be a better way. I'm still looking for it but it's rare you'll see me bust over 60 hours a week at the moment.

The two most important things in your life are your time and the company you keep. Time is the most valuable resource, you only have so much and you're not able to get any extra, so what you do now with your time is gone. Once you recognise that you will hopefully start to optimise your time, not as an organised obsessive, but with a basic understanding of the value of your time. I'll pay extra for certain things that others won't, because my time is more valuable to me than it is to them. My mum takes the bus to see her sister, it's about 7 hours by bus. I take the train, so that I can go up on a Friday and work on the train and lose no time, or I'll fly up.

Your relationships are closely tied to your time. Perhaps the two people you know the best - your parents - will only be around while you're young. At some point they're not going to be here anymore and the time you spend working all the hours $deity sends is time you could've spent with them and you'll wish you did afterwards. The same goes for your significant other. They should be your closest friend. I try to spend as much time as I can with my wife, sometimes to the detriment of friendships. The simple reason is that I'll only have another 30-60 years or so with her, and anything that eats into that time better had be extremely valuable. I still try to see my friends as often as I can, but I'm fortunate to have so many friends that I can't always see everyone.

You can have it all, you just have to prioritise. Sometimes the things you slave over, no matter how much you may enjoy it are not necessarily the most important thing. I'm reminded of an oft-misquoted quote from Richard P. Feynman sent to a Mrs Chown after her son wanted a birthday note thinking it'd help him when he tried explaining scientific things to her:

"Tell your son to stop trying to fill your head with science — for to fill your heart with love is enough."

[thetylerhayes → _b8r0]

Some comments you can't not vote up. Thank you.