I have also gotten that feeling with KDE 4; it feels to me as if it is barely customizable.
KDE 3.5.6, however, I think is quite good and doesn't force you into anything. Everything is customizable, it's speedy (-er than v4 by a lot), and GNOME apps as well as others work perfectly on it, so its not taking over anything.
KDE 4, though, needs a lot of work. I hope the devs improve it quickly, or keep supporting version three for a while, because as it is right now, KDE 4 feels unpleasant and junky.
KDE, you just got it like Qt:
- too huge
- too MS-like
- too 'take-over-the-dev-world' like