My mind wasn't particularly open to the idea that I could be a victim (in spite of living amidst Columbine/school shootings, 9/11, and multiple tramautic experiences after coming out of the closet) until something truly bad happened to me -- I was robbed at gunpoint outside a BART station in San Francisco. I was with my girlfriend at the time, and whether it was or not, it read like a true hate crime. I didn't call the police until the next morning, after we both had time to collect ourselves. In retrospect, I see that it would've been better for everyone to call the police right away, but I was so traumatized I wasn't thinking about that. And, once we filed the report nothing meaningful happened to the perpetrators that I was aware of.
Since then, I have been on high alert to the bad stuff happening around me every single day. I'm getting help, and I'm lucky to be able to afford it, but I probably won't ever be the same. One thing I can't afford is doubting my instincts -- I have learned that doing so will get me burned.
This part of the excerpt struck me: "We don't need to learn about violence, many feel, because the police will handle it, the criminal-justice system will handle it, experts will handle it. Though it touches us all and belongs to us all, and though we each have something profound to contribute to the solution, we have left this critical inquiry to people who tell us that violence cannot be predicted, that risk is a game of odds, and that anxiety is an unavoidable part of life."
I certainly don't want to take anything away from what you have shared.
I've been reading Steven Pinker's book, Enlightenment Now, and there are some sections on violence and using crime as an indicator of progress.
Which leads me to wonder, what the phycology of average people were like through history. Presumably everyone in the middle ages had some experience of violence, and would have witnessed awful acts (in the name of good too).
Humans are remarkably good at rationalizing away irrational things. There's no doubt we live in a better, safer time now than we ever have. But progress leads to new dangers and threats we didn't think possible.
In my above post, I talk about being a victim of a gender-fueled hate crime. Because that is not normal to me. And it's not very normal for others, either. The violence in the middle ages could have been normalized to the point where it didn't cause as much suffering. That I'm not sure of, but it probably depends on the prevailing religious doctrine of the time.
I'm sorry that happened to you. would you be willing to share more about that experience? apologies if I'm prying too much, but I'm interested in what instincts you felt (and brushed off) and whether you would do something different now. thanks.
I'm happy to share more by DM -- please reach out. Email is in my profile.
Quick and dirty take of what I would do differently now (because I think a lot of readers here live in SF and I want to help, but without mongering too much fear):
- Don't be out alone at night on Market Street/near BART stations, especially if you're a woman
- Don't engage with homeless people if you're alone (day or night)
- Don't let a situation escalate. Just avoid areas and people that cue "trouble" for you (this one is context-dependent and will be different for everyone)
These might sound painfully obvious, but when weird stuff is completely normalized like it is in SF, it can be hard to discern what's a real threat and what isn't. I hope this helps.
it's telling that most communities that have the most interactions with police also rely on and trust them the least, if you live in an enclave and have separated yourself out from even the perceived/tangible threat of violence it's hard to come up with real solutions.
Since then, I have been on high alert to the bad stuff happening around me every single day. I'm getting help, and I'm lucky to be able to afford it, but I probably won't ever be the same. One thing I can't afford is doubting my instincts -- I have learned that doing so will get me burned.
This part of the excerpt struck me: "We don't need to learn about violence, many feel, because the police will handle it, the criminal-justice system will handle it, experts will handle it. Though it touches us all and belongs to us all, and though we each have something profound to contribute to the solution, we have left this critical inquiry to people who tell us that violence cannot be predicted, that risk is a game of odds, and that anxiety is an unavoidable part of life."