I've had to deal with this nightmare living in my head for almost 10 years now. I've accepted that it's my fault, and in no way am I trying to place blame on anything else. All the choices I made were wrong. It was wrong of me to drink when I was stressed about work. It was wrong of me to turn to adrenaline tactics to relieve stress too. It was wrong of me to flash teenage girls. It was wrong of me to try to get a software job when I knew I wasn't qualified for it. It was wrong of me to tease my family with a middle class life I realistically knew all along that I couldn't afford. It was wrong of me to not quit from my jobs when I knew I wasn't doing well enough at them. Everything here was my fault and in no way am I avoiding responsibility for any of it. This blog post is an obituary of my software career. It's written from that perspective.
